Baby Bidet? Is probably what you are thinking. Yes, that's what I call it.
We have taken the approach in parenting to really try and make all of us get along as much as we possibly can without yelling at each other and inducing tears as a result. I know that is a lofty idea - but at least we have a goal and are constantly trying to improve upon it. So of the 4 things that really makes my baby cry, one of them is the fight him and i have over dirty diapers. His main woe is me wiping the sticky poo that just doesn't want to leave his perfectly soft little skin. And so then we get "kicking like a mule baby" at a dirty diaper change.......and for those who know me, I am sure you can just imagine how pissed off and impatient I am with this. I tried to be patient, I tried to be nice and sweet.......and then finally I just said - screw it and got physical and came one step away from hog tying him. It was at this point of pinning him down and giving him the death look of I will eat my young, that I realized I was losing the plot. Not just the in today plot, but I was also looking at an entire year of this before potty training and him getting even stronger and I foresaw visions of him having some weird poop fetish or phobia as an adult, induced by this problem with his mother. Very Freudian I know. But really, no one was happy about this and I absolutely do not want to be the cause of a problem like that. So after talking it through, T suggested that maybe we bidet him.
Realizing that the overwhelming majority of all poops were falling to me due to timing and schedules, I realized that this would be on my hands to do. So I did what I always do when assessing a situation. I immediately come up with all ways to poo poo it within 30 seconds. And realized there was only one solution if we did it --> the second kitchen sink. Did you do it too? Wrinkle up your nose when I said that? I did. So with that came the compromise that my husband was to adhere to. if we were going to baby bidet him in the second sink - it was now going to become an unusable sink until he was potty trained. Thus flooded my head with the Hazmat jackets and noises as I was telling him this. It was my condition. I just couldn't handle having dirty dishes in a sink where my son was having his butt rinsed off in of feces.
As I did it for the first time, I thought - I can't believe I am doing this. As I did it for the second time, I thought - I can't believe how good he is being while I do this. As I did it the third time, I realized - wow. Logan and I just have had 3 poopy diapers, have done the bidet each time - and there were no yelling, crying, tears, anger or frustration. As I did it the 4th time and had to literally get my hand in there to scrape or rub the poo off - oh yes, yes I did. You are imagining it right now aren't you? Me putting my hand on a poopy butt to wipe off the poo. Enjoy it - I will never do it for you. :) But I can now add this to the category of things I will do for peace with my son. Not since girl scouts and having to clean out the bathrooms at Ber Juan park have I been quite so disgusted with the poop concept. And that incident is also why I never continued in girl scouts - cleaning out toilets as an 8 year old - see ya! However, I have no problem cleaning my own toilet, and I will confess that at camps as a kid when I had to pick a duty - I did the toilets. Because they were faster and easier than anything else. LOL
More interesting on the baby bidet is that Logan has seen some of his poop specks washing down the drain. And having now gone down this route - this is what I can tell you. I have never seen an actual bidet in person, which means I have only seen them on TV and never personally experienced one. However, I can confirm for you that the trickle bidet's like in Crocodile Dundee - that won't get poop off. Maybe if there is a power hose setting?? Maybe it would be better as an adult because well - I didn't hang out in the diaper then fall on my butt therefore smashing poop across several inches. I just don't know.
But I do know - that I love my son, and I have found a solution that allows everyone to benefit, even if I don't really enjoy it much.
