The 2014 World Cup Final Has Been Set

32 teams spent 18 months qualifying and only 2 teams are left to compete for the glory of being world champions for the next 4 years this coming Sunday. 

*Except Brazil as the host nation - the hosting nation gets to opt out of all qualifying matches. 

Argentina & Messi vs The German Machine.

I know some of you are curious as to who I am picking, so here is a synopsis of what I think. 

Neither team has lost a match this tournament. Germany have been good at their worst, and excellent at their best, most of which has been since the start of the knock out rounds. Whereas Argentina has been consistent, but not as compelling as I think they should have been or as good as I know they can be. They have won all of their games by a single goal. And Germany, all I need to say on the goal scoring/winning topic is one word........Brazil. And ok, maybe one more......Portugal.

The German National team has had the same coach for 3 WC cycles now. The first being an assistant to our Juergen Klinsmann. Almost all of the players play in the Bundesliga (The German Top Flight league) and more specifically, they play on the two best teams. So when it comes to playing with teammates, think about this. You play for your club in European leagues 9 months of the year. 38 league games and some tournaments spread in. During league breaks is when the Internationals will then come together for maybe a week, a couple training sessions and a match. It's not a lot of time. The Argentina players are more spread out across a lot of leagues, so they don't play together as much as the Germans do but they have great talent on this team.

I wasn't kidding when I said the machine of Germany. They all have a vested interest and understand the concept of team and unity above individualism. And they play like it. They are too solidified as a unit. They have the desire, determination and they have been on fire. Germany is a 3x World Cup champion and they have reached 10 of the last 13 semifinals. Argentina a 2x champion. But then there is Messi. A 4 time winner of the Balloon D'Or award = The World's Best Player. And did I mention he just turned 27. At the age of 11 he was diagnosed with a growth hormone deficiency. However, FC Barcelona scouted him and agreed to pay for his medical bills and to move his family if he signed with them. He has been playing for them ever since and achieved a lot of trophies as a result. At 5"6 he is an example that you don't have to physically be the biggest to succeed in this sport. 

I want Argentina to win. Why? 2 reasons.....

1. Raise your hand if you feel passionately about Germans. Yeah that's what I thought.

2. I want Messi to get the Maradonna stigma off his back. I want the world to move on from Maradonna. Why? Because he is a poor example of a quality human being. Because he was a cheater, in more ways than one. Because he thinks he is god. He is the antithesis of Messi. Messi is a humble person. Grateful for all that has been given to him and all that he has achieved. He recently said he would rather win a World Cup than the Baloon D'Or, because it's something as a youngster you dream about. It's a team award, not a personal one. Messi, the guy who agreed to be on the cover of ESPN before the World Cup.....for free. For more on Maradonna, Wikipedia him, or google his name with words as "hand of god" "coke" "tax evasion" etc. But I think you get the point. 

With that said, I think Germany IS going to win. Only if Messi has the game of his life, and Argentina find a way to contain the German offense will Argentina pull this out. 

3-1 Germany is my prediction. But go Argentina and Lionel Messi.

My Opening World Cup Ramble

The World Cup. It happens only once every 4 years. The road to get there is laden with qualification matches out of a region that covers an 18 month period. Some people think that soccer or footy as I like to call it is boring. Low scoring, possession, and the 2 halves of 45 minutes with no stoppages in play. But what the World Cup represents is something greater. Soccer has always been one of those sports that you only need to speak one language in order to play with others....the language of footy. The fact you can have two teams who DON'T speak the same language competing against each other is what makes the World Cup a beautiful thing. It represents the best players of a nation coming together to play against the best teams in the world. It allows all of us to feel a kinsman-ship with our fellow countrymen over nationalistic pride. Something that often is not part of our daily meandering as we go about life. But the World Cup allows us for a moment in time to be excited about something. Excited about our heritage, our nationality, and a reminder of all the things that have affected us throughout the years as a nation of people. 

Yes, it can also bring out negative emotions and thoughts when country against country is pitted against each other in a sporting competition; depending on the past political, religious and actions of countrymen and their leaders. Pride is on the line as well as bragging rights, and no one enjoys being on the losing end of that. But it is also a chance to look at it for what it is. A game. One that requires perseverance, persistence, determination, skill and tactical acumen. While we often are fixated on sporting contests within our country, here is a chance for all Americans to embrace the 23 men (or women in a women's World Cup) as the face of US. The hope and belief resting on their shoulders on a global setting viewed by the world. 

For me, it represents what every person who loves a sport feels. The ability in itself to feel. Feel passion, anxiety, hope, excitement, anger, joy, frustration. Even those negative feelings are ones that remind us that we are human. And that when we feel, it is deeply. And for 90 minutes, we can forgot the reality of our life....good or bad. We can fall into this emotional roller coaster ride to which the result is not predetermined, that anything at any time can happen. Even in the dying moments of a game when hope is starting to feel lost and you are pondering flipping the channel or leaving the stadium. That it can in moments be resurrected and a surge of euphoria will overwhelm you. I can honestly say I don't ever feel euphoria when I go to work. But with footy....I do, I have, and I know I will continue to feel it until I die. Maybe not with very game, but with the ones that are important to me I do. I can honestly say there have been times where I am so on the edge of  an exciting moment about to happen, that I realize I have been holding my breath for at least 10 seconds. Unintentionally of course. 

Of course there are ugly facets to this game. The federation leadership (FIFA) being run by the Sith lord, the corruption, match fixing, violence because fans have taken things too far. I can't change any of that other than to not be a fan that contributes to that type of behavior. And I fully understand the root cause of those problems. As a result I choose to dwell on the purity of the game itself. To believe that despite obstacles, the actual game being played by the 22 individuals on the pitch is clean.  Maybe this is idealistic. Maybe naive, but it is how I view the game. How I want to view it, and how I want to illustrate to my child how I love the game.

There are 32 national teams that have descended upon Brazil over the next month in which one nation will lift the cup and be declared the best in the world. For that, I am truly excited to see how it all shakes out. There will be some surprises, some outcomes entirely predictable, but nothing is guaranteed. It's why you play the game. You have to work at it, for it, in order to deserve it. So what you will see is 32 teams whose players grew up one day dreaming to be part of their national team. Dreaming of one day lifting the cup for their country and earning that star on their national team jersey for years to come. 32 teams giving their all and leaving it on the pitch at the end. 

So even if you don't like soccer, embrace and support the 23 men who have been chosen to represent  the 314 MILLION Americans on the global stage. We are......One nation. One Team. #1N1T

I am the mother of.......BATMAN

Enjoying the Moment

They say to enjoy every moment with your child. I guess for me that is a given. You only have a few short years before they no longer want to be around you and when you only have one, it is so much easier to just be in the moment. All of the attention is directed and focus on one human being.

As it goes, last night I was tired. Not unusual. And as I decided to lay down and contemplate the world at large, I realized my bed was moving.  Just a little. I looked over and saw the big ball of sheets and blankets move a little more. Then I heard it. That very distinct sound that every parent zones in on. One of the sounds you always feel joy when you hear it.

The giggle.

My sneeky snook had snuck out of his bedroom, and while I was in the bathroom, had proceeded to climb in my bed, with three buddies in tow no less, and hidden himself in the blankets. Upon realizing mommy had laid down, the wiggles and the giggles commenced.

So there I was. A parent with a child out of their bed and awake................way past bedtime. So what did I do? I mean, there are all sorts of options, most leaning toward the......put him back to bed routine. But I chose to play the game. "What is that hiding in my bed?"  giggle...giggle...."I wonder what that is?"  giggle.....giggle.  "Is that a Logan hiding in my blanket?"......giggle....then....

"No! It's batman!"

Then my very awake mini-me decides he wants to tell me a story. I was laying down anyway, go for it. He always has very entertaining stories and I love to hear what he says. Tonight was no different. So he proceeds to tell me this never-ending story......mixed with lots of batman references, and the signature linking line....(he got from his mother)....and then what happened.......

It was great. He tells me the continuing story, then when done, very sweetly says, "now mommy would you like to share a story?"

I'll be honest, I didn't.  Not because I'm not trying to be fun, but because, I felt fresh out of material.  All of my neurons are rapid firing trying to figure out some interesting made up story on the fly.  And to be honest, next to his story, all of my ideas totally sucked and I had no where to take them. Meanwhile I was pretty impressed the 3 yr old definitely out storied me.  And then he does one further.  He pretty much told me an evolving story over 40 mins straight.

Now we were way past bed time. But at that moment, I didn't care.  Cause it was such an awesome moment. To ask him questions about his story, and see his little brain stop, analyze and decide what he was going to say and just be so creative, just left me massively impressed.  Yeah ok kids tell stories and such. It wasn't that, it was that MY dude was doing this to ME and he also did it 10x better than I could. It did remind me of how far I have come since my own childhood. But to be part of something so small, but so satisfying is a wonderful feeling.

I decided he could sleep in mommy's bed if he wanted. It is a king so there is space.  But he is a terrible bed buddy.  He flops like a fish out of water.  And he always manages to steal my pillow in the middle of the night. I knew that would be what happened,  But I didn't  care. My little dude who i find completely adorable, was having a Logan and Mommy moment, and we were both enjoying it. We laid there and talked until I finally told him we had to fall asleep.

He then says, I love you mommy sweet apple. (ok I'll admit I've been brainwashing him that mommy is a sweet apple).

I love my son. And every day he just gets more amazing as a little person. I'm very excited to watch him learn and grow and nurture him along the way.

No baby here

With almost all his baby fat gone, his legs stretching and body lengthening.....I have a full out little boy.

He can run and jump and climb with amazing tenacity. He is coordinated and strong and has a lot of energy. He is smart and beautiful and so very cheeky.

And now he had his first soccer training. First training kit and did great scoring goals. We'll see how far he takes it. But for now, he had a lot of fun.

Get With My Program

Oh my little bug a boo is growing up. Becoming quite the little boy, all with his own opinions, ideas, desires and wants. These are normal and positive things the articles tell me.....until they fly in the face of what you are trying to accomplish, even when those items to some degree aren't really a big deal in the spectrum of life.

With his independent stubbornness rearing it's head, I find myself in my head shouting out - GET WITH THE PROGRAM LOGAN aka MY program. All the meanwhile taking a deep breath, trying to politely smile at him and exert a calm voice that is clear in instruction and explanation......and of course, repeated several times because we are in the phase of everything has to be repeated - namely by him but apparently also by me, because he won't just.....get with my program. 

One of the big ones as of late has been the car seat. Logan get in your seat.

NO! I don't want to! He says. Then gives me the look of - what are you going to do.

After 2 more times of this round table, I fight the urge (in a southern old school black mama's voice)to tell him I am going to beat him like a red headed step child if he doesn't get in the car seat.) And as the little angel side of my conscious whispers in my ear - remember you want to see if you can actually do this raising/discipline without spanking idea....... I take another breath. This is just about getting him to sit in the seat - this is not the end of the world.

BUT I HAVE TO GET TO WORK AND I AM LATE! Says the pissed off side of my conscious.

I close my eyes and count to three. Logan - mommy has to get to work, she's late, let's go, I don't have time for this.

Noooooo, he says.

At that moment I am done --> NOW!

Ok so then depending on the day - he either gets in his seat or it turns into a game of - can you catch me in the car mommy first? Cause I have an SUV that he has found to be quite thrilling to jump over the back seat, roll around in the back, and do this over and over. This is just one of a few scenarios, but the idea is all the same.

And as the concept of this post was mulling over my head originally, I so happened to be in the office on a conference call with my boss, who has an older daughter now in high school and of driving age. In the middle of the call, her cell rings - it's her daughter, to which she steps to the doorway. And as I am partially paying attention to the conference call, I am also eavesdropping on hers, to which I hear: What do you mean you are leaving? You can't just leave. Well did you tell anyone? What do you mean you got a red slip? you don't have an open campus. You can't just leave......well.....and then a minute later the conversation ended with - call me when you get home. It's those moments that as I sat there over hearing this and half trying to compose myself from laughing, I reflected on the state of where I was at. Here I am - I can't get Logan to just get IN his car seat, and here she is - her daughter is just randomly driving away from school....and she is completely powerless to stop it.

WOW - I got a long long road ahead of me. And I need to step up my mental chess game. Although I doubt that will help me one day when Logan calls me to tell me he decided he just had enough of that day and was going home to watch some TV and play a video game. If I am lucky, he will be in sports and hopefully in season where I can use the leverage of, you know you can't play in your game tomorrow if you leave right? But if he is anything like me, he will be smart enough to pull that crap like the week after the season is over.......

I just need 10 minutes

I knew life as a single mom would be challenging, but the reality is, it boils down really to two main things. And I may post more on the second one later.

1. I just need 10 minutes to do [insert whatever the heck I need to do].
2. Get with the program [that of course would be MY program]

I love my kid. He's the coolest thing ever. The raddest little dude. But he's a boy. A VERY active little boy that when with me at home, won't be less than 10 ft from me at all times. Most of the time I don't mind, but sometimes there are things u r trying to accomplish, and well he makes it a little complicated. Like dinner. If I'm
Making dinner, he wants to either play with the pots and pans and plastic tubs in between the space i am navigating, or he wants to be within a foot of the sautéing meat on the stove. And it's not that I care about him playing with the stuff, and I am glad he is interested in the cooking process and want to encourage it, but if u saw my kitchen, you'd understand. It's small. I can reach everything in two steps, and really my head is silently screaming, get out of the fucking way before something bad happen. Like I turn around and jack myself in the now open cabinet door then falling and splattering hot food all over us and the floor. "but he didn't intend to be in the way" the other annoying voice in my head says. Yes I know, but could he just give me 10 mins.

And since he no naps on the weekends, it's 7 to 8:30 nonstop. Sometimes 'I' just need a 10 minute mommy time out. 10 minutes to refocus, breathe, calm down, calm my daredevil and romping boy down. I mean, he rarely plays by himself. Even with encouraging. If I get 15 mins where he is in his room.....once every two weeks, that's about average. I really only have the mommy timeouts on the weekend. But then comes the other type of.....I just need 10 minutes...

I need to take a shit.

Is it too much to ask for 10 mins to poop in peace? I mean, I have the double whammy with him on this topic. Either he decides he has to be in my 3 feet of personal space during this activity......& now that he is older, I am subjected to the color commentary of this unpleasant affair of......what was that? A fart Logan. Oh, stinky mommy! Hahaha! And while i can at least see he is in eyesight, i am subjected to the trashing of my million hair ornaments on the floor.

OR he decides to give me the peace, only to then do the.....oh no, what is my child doing in this moment activity? It was this that happened tonight. In the midst of his tubby, I had to take a crap. Not such a big deal since the toilet is right there and I'm in his bathroom. But then he decides, I'm done with tubby and gets out, only to toddle in his room. It's those moments later and the quiet that I realize. Oh no. Logan? What are you doing?

I'm putting on cream.

The cream would be his expensive eczema lotion that I have in his room, ready to put on before bed. Oh no.

Oh no is right! Logan can you come here please??? Right now!

I'm putting on cream mommy. I quickly end my business only to discover. He had indeed creamed himself.....& the floor. In the moment, I'm not sure what I'm more frustrated by. The lotion mashed in the carpet, the heavily creamed boy or the wasting of expensive lotion. And when I say creamed, he tells me, I lotioned my penis. As a teenage boy would do, experimenting for the first time with a bottle of lube. I had to put him back in the tubby to rinse him off, recream him, clean up the floor and the bathroom. Ugggh.

I just need 10 minutes........

If he had been a girl.

He always sees me with pig tails. And he loves to swish them and when I rub them in his face. So this weekend he told me he wanted some. Since I've been in the grow-his-hair-out-like-he's-a-rockstar's-kid phase, I figured it would be funny to acquiesce. And while he loved them, he's going to be totally pissed as a teenager when he sees these pics. And that makes this moment even more enjoyable.

The World According to Bug

I love the things he says these days. Some are funny little stories about what things do. Some are a mixture of two concepts ......scooping the snow and hosing off the rocky mountains, when he's talking about daddy's snow shovel and wanting to go through the car wash.

How he'll yell at the tv.....get up little Viking, get up at his cartoon Viking that fell down........and I realize he's mimicking me like when I yell at a professional soccer player on tv that took a dive.

He can tell you all about the trash trucks, and always wants to know where they went.

He will grab my iPhone, swipe it open, then hold it to his head and say, I emailing and texting.

I love how he now occasionally yells out ..... MOOOOOM! Like a teenager trying to figure out where his favorite shirt is.

There is no "bedtime", he's just taking a nap. That cuddles buys him extra awake time before said "nap." and that every night he believes might be the night I read one more book, or the same one....again, sing one more song, or come lay in bed with him.

And to hear him say, how was your day mommy? Good?

Melts my heart.....

It's all in the nuances

It's amazing to me the little things. Especially when i don't see him for several days at a time. It might be how he now tilts his head, has a little more control over his facial muscles for slight changes in expression. The fact that he can tell you not just that he is holding an elephant in his hand, but will point and name the trunk, the head, the back, the legs.

His stories are getting longer and have more details. And he is always making me laugh. Sometimes because of how he says something and I realize he got that inflection from me. Especially when you repeat something back to him in a question and he says...yeah. His insistence on helping is growing but he knows he can't grab everything or else mommy gets frustrated......cause he inadvertently spills stuff. But I let him watch and help out when he can and he loves that.

His memory retention almost freaks me out at times. He's so observant about things he sees he has me scrambling the line of sight to see what he saw - cause i know he saw it.

And while he is only 2 and a half - wow - the things I can articulate to him and his comprehension of it, blows me away. At the same time. I love it. It is teaching me not to take my son's intelligence or ability to understand for granted. To not treat him like a concept is beneath him, simply figure out how to explain the concept in a way he can understand. I love that I can rationalize with him. I can give him choices and let him choose. Although we are working on that - you don't always get a choice and this is one of those times. LOL I find it funny that I have him queued up on "let's have a talk." And we do. He comes and sits with me, I am calm, and then I explain whatever it is. Ask him a question in there, make him look at me. It's a very personal moment. A moment I know he has to pay attention. A moment that for me will always be built on. I know that I am creating the foundation to always "have a talk" with him. And that he knows when it is said that it will be calm. Might be a heavy conversation, but one where a discussion will be had and clarification will be stated.

I love that he is emerging from some of the commonalities of babies and into his own little being. And that I am getting to identify what those are. He likes Cars from Disney - but because of Mater not McQueen. LOL So off I go to find all sorts of Mater based stuff. He loves fresh blueberries and blueberry flavor, but not blueberry yogurt - cause of the pieces. He loves it when I make smoothies for him and it is almost a nightly occurrence now. He always wants ice in his sippy cup. He eats with his hands cause he wants to but he hates having his hands dirty so we go through multiple paper towels. He still loves to play with my pots and pans. And he cooks in the kitchen at school too. I thought he might be over this phase - but it does not appear to be the case. Oh well. He will be in the kitchen with me for years to come anyway. He hates tomatoes but loves ketchup and pasta sauce sans tomato chunks. He even knows where a hidden tomato is and refuses to eat it. He's into trucks and trains and building things, but not really into dinosaurs or robots. At least not yet. I love that he can sing Bob Marley, his ABC's, some nursery songs and a few others. And I am way happy not to have bought any of those annoying little kid songs.

He has a sweet and sensitive side to him. He uses manners and really except when he is wound up from rough housing, he is very well behaved and sweet. Sometimes he will softly pet my face and whisper - I pet mommy's face...with a smile. Or you might get a hug and kiss without prompting because he wants to give you one. He will give his own buddies kisses too. And when a kid at school pushes him - he looks at the kid quizically like, why did you do that?

There is a sweet innocence to him still. And while I know someday that will go away - i hope it isn't for awhile yet.

Boys Do What Late?

The past two years has shown me that this is a completely bogus line. I think children in general will have their timeline of doing things - independent of gender. Some girls will delay, boys will delay, some delays are minor, and that all seems normal with the progression of a human. But this boys do developmental things late - complete bunk with my kid. He has only ever done one thing late. Talked - and that was because we catered to his every need, anticipating them instead of forcing the issue. Everything else is either ahead of schedule or on track.

So that expression kind of pisses me off. It's like a stigma that everyone buys into and then becomes a tag line.......oh well boys do things later. Ok, well if they do, then apparently my kid is einstein. But I don't know how much I buy into that theory. I think a lot of circumstances go in to why one child may do something on a different time schedule. And my kid has the only child syndrome. There is no other distraction. The schedule is built around him and for his comfort. So there isn't a million errands to run that would impede things like potty training.

What I have found is that if I catch Logan at the moment of cognition - then I can easily transition him into the next phase. Weaning off a bottle and onto a cup - no problem. No pacifier - no problem. Potty training - no problem. And then there is just a boatload of other things we have done to make certain situations not be a problem. All in all, he is a great little boy. Way proud momma. And I'm not going to buy into those boy myths anymore.....

The Raddest Little Bug on The Planet

Of course every mother has bias for her child. I am no different. He is the most amazing little dude I know. And part of this is probably do to my complete amazement at his intellect and also, my complete lack of understanding of child development no matter how much I read up on it. What really is probably surprising me the most is, I feel like he is smarter than a lot of 14 year old boys I have had the displeasure of knowing. Which begs the question - when they hit puberty, does something happen to reverse the brain capacity and knowledge learned up to that point? Cause I have to say, if Logan's learning capacity stays on track, he should be accepted to Harvard by the time he is 16. I've got severe problems on how I am supposed to handle this highly intelligent individual. He will push me to the limit nonetheless.

Barely past the age of two and he is already showing empathy. On several occasions to his friends at school. That is supposed to be an age 3 thing. He knows his colors. Can count to five - and to some degree 7 or even 9. And darn near knows the days of the week. And I am not even talking about what he knows in spanish. His memory is starting to freak me out a little bit - he can easily remember something that happened a week ago. He has popped off the next lines in a book (several different books actually) when relevant - especially on a few that had only been read about 10-15 times to him. He has the eyesight of a hawk and the hearing of a bat. There have been things he has seen that it has taken me moments of really searching to find it. And he can spot the moon in the day, or even against street lights. Animals? No problem. The sounds they make? No problem. And he will say any word no matter how complex. Hippopotomus - ippomatamus......brontosaurus.........bontosaurs......triceraptops.....ticeratops.......incognito.......ignito....

Unbelievable what he is capable of. Not to mention......Gogan Funny......he is extremely coordinated as well. Gogan do it....as he says....ok Gogan, go for it buddy. Show mommy what you got.

The why birdie has begun, and of course - he has opinions. LOL And for the most part - I love that he has opinions. I finally get to have a baseline on what he wants. He won't always get to exercise his opinion, but at least I can understand where the little bug wants to go with some things. my biggest frustration is when I just get a no.......or Logan don't want it....as in the case of choosing costumes for Halloween. Well can't you want at least ONE thing Logan????

So here he is at the age of two. Two years old and I already feel like he is a genius. What oh what is three going to bring? I can't even imagine 4 or 5 right now.

But, the ultimate competitor I am - I am up to the challenge on the mommy front - so bring it my little man. Bring your best game. I have the leg up on you know you. I know you are going to challenge me consistently. So I have an advantage in the preparation department. My mother once told me she constantly was having to bluff me - I see that at some point in the near future. Luckily that day is a far time away. But for now, I at a minimum have experience on my side. And I look forward to all the days in the future where you will challenge me to be the best, do the best, and guide you correctly.

Just Keeping Him Alive

I can say I'm now clearly understanding the depth of the term paranoia. Being a mother or a parent really is fraught with a million scenarios of "oh shit" or "what if...." that have you bathing in a panic mode. My brother once told me a few years ago that you'll spend the first few years just trying to keep them alive. At the time I had a little laugh and nodded my head in understanding, although it wasn't until I went through a few of these cycles myself that I trully understood the nuances of that statement. And as I go through my phase of trying to make sure i keep this alien alive, I am amazed that more kids don't die due to neglectful parents and even highly attentive parents succumbed to that split second oh shit factor.

I look around and it seems like everything is a hazard of some sort. The moment I have to go to the bathroom, and that smart creature I spawned decides to grab the stool, and go to the counter, climb on it and I will find him playing with knives...or worse that he falls off said counter and falls on the knife stabbing himself. Luckily, this situation has not happened......yet. But I still think of these things like - it could. It might. The more probable is him falling off the dinner chair and onto his fork - because he was wiggling and wobbling on the edge, lost his balance and then the fork just happens to stay in said hand as he falls on top. Hasn't happend yet either - but I think of these things. As I have the moment of the calm yet watchful eye, don't let your fear grip you Athena, you can't play to the one off percentage. I don't like being paranoid, and yet I feel like not being paranoid is what will bitch slap me back to that nasty thing called reality in the event it happens.

The other morning I was dreaming, fully in REM. And then my dream stirred. Pulling me from my unconscious state, I sat up. Something seemed off. Eery. Did I hear something? I felt a presence in my space. As I stared in the dark at 4:20AM, my sense perking, using the muted light from the other room to try and focus my perspective, I heard another slight sound. Scanning the dark room, there it was. The little head at the foot of the bed. My son was awake - very unusual. My son never wakes up this early. In those moments I find the innate subconscious connection between me and my son to be amazing. That's really the only word I know to use to describe it. He can cough through a wall, and I will wake up. Moments I've had where I think - I should just go check on him. A niggling sense of - I don't know why, I just should. Only to find him with a blanket over his face.

I know as he grows, the little things will fade away on the keeping him alive bit, and instead will be replaced with less abundance of these moments, but most likely more severe instances - the friends angle and the decisions that are made. The lack of self thought in moments you either hoped he would think, or know someone else should have but didn't. In this moment, he is constanly with someone who has a watchful eye, but those days where he won't be are coming. All I can do is take a breath. And hope I can navigate this labryinth of life with him as best I can.

Until then, I just make it my goal to be faster than him. Physically cause he his starting to run. And I find myself wondering if maybe I shouldn't have taken those Fish Oil pills during pregnancy - cause clearly it helped the spawn's intelligence earlier than I was counting on. Although I have heard once puberty hits, there appears to be some regression in brain processing. I'm wondering if that will be a blessing in disguise? Cause at almost 2 - I can't imagine what mental strategy I am going to have to employ by the time he is 16. My mother used to tell me she always had to think 2 steps ahead of me and was constantly bluffing me, waiting for me to call her bluff. Well, I better start brushing up on my chess - cause this little boy is going to give me the largest mental challenge I have ever had. He is already showing the determination and resolve I have. I'm in for a real treat. Thank goodness i have experience on my side. I'm going to need it.

Baby Bidet

Baby Bidet? Is probably what you are thinking. Yes, that's what I call it.

We have taken the approach in parenting to really try and make all of us get along as much as we possibly can without yelling at each other and inducing tears as a result. I know that is a lofty idea - but at least we have a goal and are constantly trying to improve upon it. So of the 4 things that really makes my baby cry, one of them is the fight him and i have over dirty diapers. His main woe is me wiping the sticky poo that just doesn't want to leave his perfectly soft little skin. And so then we get "kicking like a mule baby" at a dirty diaper change.......and for those who know me, I am sure you can just imagine how pissed off and impatient I am with this. I tried to be patient, I tried to be nice and sweet.......and then finally I just said - screw it and got physical and came one step away from hog tying him. It was at this point of pinning him down and giving him the death look of I will eat my young, that I realized I was losing the plot. Not just the in today plot, but I was also looking at an entire year of this before potty training and him getting even stronger and I foresaw visions of him having some weird poop fetish or phobia as an adult, induced by this problem with his mother. Very Freudian I know. But really, no one was happy about this and I absolutely do not want to be the cause of a problem like that. So after talking it through, T suggested that maybe we bidet him.

Realizing that the overwhelming majority of all poops were falling to me due to timing and schedules, I realized that this would be on my hands to do. So I did what I always do when assessing a situation. I immediately come up with all ways to poo poo it within 30 seconds. And realized there was only one solution if we did it --> the second kitchen sink. Did you do it too? Wrinkle up your nose when I said that? I did. So with that came the compromise that my husband was to adhere to. if we were going to baby bidet him in the second sink - it was now going to become an unusable sink until he was potty trained. Thus flooded my head with the Hazmat jackets and noises as I was telling him this. It was my condition. I just couldn't handle having dirty dishes in a sink where my son was having his butt rinsed off in of feces.

As I did it for the first time, I thought - I can't believe I am doing this. As I did it for the second time, I thought - I can't believe how good he is being while I do this. As I did it the third time, I realized - wow. Logan and I just have had 3 poopy diapers, have done the bidet each time - and there were no yelling, crying, tears, anger or frustration. As I did it the 4th time and had to literally get my hand in there to scrape or rub the poo off - oh yes, yes I did. You are imagining it right now aren't you? Me putting my hand on a poopy butt to wipe off the poo. Enjoy it - I will never do it for you. :) But I can now add this to the category of things I will do for peace with my son. Not since girl scouts and having to clean out the bathrooms at Ber Juan park have I been quite so disgusted with the poop concept. And that incident is also why I never continued in girl scouts - cleaning out toilets as an 8 year old - see ya! However, I have no problem cleaning my own toilet, and I will confess that at camps as a kid when I had to pick a duty - I did the toilets. Because they were faster and easier than anything else. LOL

More interesting on the baby bidet is that Logan has seen some of his poop specks washing down the drain. And having now gone down this route - this is what I can tell you. I have never seen an actual bidet in person, which means I have only seen them on TV and never personally experienced one. However, I can confirm for you that the trickle bidet's like in Crocodile Dundee - that won't get poop off. Maybe if there is a power hose setting?? Maybe it would be better as an adult because well - I didn't hang out in the diaper then fall on my butt therefore smashing poop across several inches. I just don't know.

But I do know - that I love my son, and I have found a solution that allows everyone to benefit, even if I don't really enjoy it much.

World Cup Ramblings

Well I can honestly say - I really did not think that Italy and England both would have two draws under their belt going into the third match. And really - I don't even think the bookies thought so either. And who would have thought a Portugal team who fielded a group I only know like 2 players would go on to ROUTE North Korea - which I am extremely happy about.

Then there is the referee issue. Unfortunately I felt from the start of the tournmanet that the referees were doing a good job. And then all of a sudden - it went dowhill. However, I think it is atrocious how officials have been decided for the world cup. How does a referee from a third world country with no quality league experience beat out officials from say......oh maybe the US (there are no US officials at the WC) with a second tier professional league to officiate in a match? That makes no sense. If the teams and players are expected to qualify - then it should not just be a physical test to pass and then a - well let's give someone a chance kind of thing. Millions of dollars are on the line. People's jobs are on the line. This isn't a charity tournament. But what do you expect with a guy like Sepp Blatter in chage of FIFA.......

The French - they are imploding! And I love it! I had them as the choke team of the tournament. SO to recap for you:

1. Scandal ties 3 players to underage teenage hooker a month or two before the tournament.
2. Coach benches Thierry Henry in favor of who again? Don't even remember the guy's name. Causes rift between team and coach.
3. Anelka refuses to play with said player during the match by not passing him the ball.
4. Anelka gets into profanity tirade with coach after match. Later is told to apologize - he refuses.
5. Someone from inside the team circle (my bet is on the trainer) leaks to the media the tirade.
6. Anelka is dismissed from the team.
7. Captain Patrice Evra has words with the coach the next day and then confronts the trainer about????????? Hmmmmmm my guess is he was the leak.
8. Trainer freaks out - there is video of it - on Evra (Evra was calm the whole time) and the trainer quits - throwing his badge on the way off the grounds.
9. French team gets back on bus and refuses to train in support of Anelka.
10. Team president or some other title from the federation decides he has had enough of the circus and HE quits!

And so here we are - one day away from France's last game of the tournament where they could bomb out. Will be an interesting day tomorrow.

What a Day!

Wow! As the US comes off their second draw at the World Cup, England does the same, setting up for a very interesting match up next week for all teams in the group with anyone able to advance. As to how I feel about the controversial call - I'm pissed of course. But really, the boys should have gotten it done on their own merits and one of the things that I am really torked about is something that I have long been frustrated with in this sport. The fact that a soccer official doesn't have to explain a call or justify a call to anyone (except an assessor and they won't make anything public). No other sport has this blind rule. And it is one that really - could just make everyone cool down from time to time if people knew --> why.

US Soccer asked FIFA for an explanation. FIFA's response? The referee has stated "no comment".

The following is an excerpt by Peter King on an article he wrote today:
The call was awful. But in all sports, when hugely controversial calls are made -- the Tuck Rule call by Walt Coleman in the Raiders-Patriots playoff game nine years ago, the Jim Joyce ruination-of-the-perfect-game this month -- at least we know what the call is. Here, millions of people staring at TVs around the world are still asking, "What's the call?''

You could feel it in the bowels of Ellis Park after the game. Don't make a big stir over this. It's soccer. Nothing you can do it about it. It's just the way it is.

Why? Why is this just blindly accepted? FIFA uses a referee -- in a game of vital importance in determining who moves on in the biggest tournament in any sport in the world -- whose highest previous assignment was the African Cup. That's got to be the equivalent of a Mid-American Conference ref being assigned the Super Bowl.

Coaches coach for four years to get to the World Cup. Players train for four years to get to the World Cup. And they have their fate decided by some wordless man handed an assignment he had no business having. But as important: Just what is this governing body FIFA, with the world watching its signature event, doing when it doesn't mandate an explanation from the referee about what he called that determined the outcome of a game?

Every once in awhile, I write some good stuff

if I always wrote the things in my head - I would actually probably write a lot of good stuff. But unfortunately I usually don't get it out. I found a letter I wrote to Logan almost a year ago - one month from delivering. So you can imagine the hormones and all sorts of fun stuff that was going through me at the time. Mixed in with feeling like death, I was a little surprised to go back and see how lucid I was. Usually I don't have a really good first draft, but I feel this made the grade.

July 29, 2009

Dear Logan Alexander,

As I write this letter to you which may never be read, I write it with total love in my heart and with the intention that I may never remember some of the things I say today but feel compelled to share them.

I have been told that once you are born, my life will never be the same. I have been told that I will feel a love like I have never felt before. I have been told a whole shit ton of things by a lot of people who all want to dispense their advice to me. Some of whom I respect and others who I wish would just keep their mouth shut.

As the only child I ever plan to give birth to, I know I will love you to pieces. But I also know that it comes at a cost. A cost that will at times frustrate me to no end when you are acting in your own independent thought and manner. The same independent thought and manner that you inherited from both your father and I. Oh the irony in that rationale.

As a parent I know that I will be up against a constant battle for the next 18 years of your life as I try to guide and teach you in the way I believe you need to be guided in order to be a productive member of society. I know now that your failures and successes will to some degree feel like my failures and successes as a mother. Because in your failures I will feel as if I have failed you. In your successes I will feel it was my teachings that helped you succeed. What I hope is that someday you will consider me one of your closest confidantes, but that day will not be in the next 18 years of your life. As my sole purpose as your mother is not to be your best friend, but to provide for you and nurture you in the way that a good parent will so that you can one day leap from this nest and spread your wings and stand on your own. While the thought of you graduating from high school and leaving home has me already in tears for a baby I have yet to hold, I also know that the hardest of my work at that point will be done. And that through all the new experiences you will encounter - some good some bad - that hopefully you will know that your father and I will always be two people you can rely upon for advice and guidance, or just an ear to let you vent as you work your way through situations.

My greatest hope is that when you look back, you will feel as if your parents did the best job that they could in raising you. That at the end of the day, you are successful on your own merits and it was the principles and examples we established for you that allowed you to get where you are. That you can be proud of yourself and that you find a path of happiness that works for you.

My greatest fear is that all of the teachings that we lay as a foundation for you are undone by the friends you choose or the decisions you make. And I have seen that happen with people before. While friends are an important part of the socialization of a person and as you grow will become a dominant influence in your life, they also can lead people down dangerous paths. It doesn’t meant the people themselves are “bad people”, just that they make bad decisions. What I hope for you is that you can rise above peer pressure and truly be your own independent decision maker that refuses to be swayed by another person simply because they think a decision is a good or fun one. There have been several times I have had to stand up for myself which meant I stood alone or had to make a drastic change in order to feel good about myself afterwards. I hope you have the mental strength to overcome such adversity when faced with it.

I hope the decisions you make are based on logical thought and responsible actions - although I know as a teenager both of those two ideas will be lost on you. I hope that you choose not to do drugs not because the latest Don’t Do Drugs mascot tells you to or you went through the DARE program, or because they simply are illegal, but because you understand that drugs are dangerous. That you don’t know what was done to something to alter them further or if they were even made properly. And even if you do, that at the end of the day, they simply are a mind altering substance that will eat your brain cells away. That clarity of thought is simply a chemical reaction in your brain. Not that your problems have magically disappeared or that you now have the answers to them. And that despite your supreme knowledge that “you can handle them” and “you know your limits”, that those phrases are a bunch of bull shit. That one day you will realize you wish you had saved that money spent on them to go on a cool vacation to Europe or Hawaii. And that having a woman in your life is more gratifying than any drug induced episode you may have.

It is my hope that you meet a woman who is worthy of you. I say this of course as the mother of my only son who undoubtedly will probably think there is no woman truly worthy of my son, but I will cling to hope that this is one area where I am wrong. And that even if I don’t think that woman is good enough for you, that I will at least see that she makes you happy and that you are a good match for each other. I hope that your father and I will do a good job of teaching you how to treat women so that you can have a happy and lasting marriage.

So in all those times that you are frustrated with me, know that it is because I am doing what I believe is in your best interest even though it may not feel like it at the time. That I am making decisions for you and about you based on all of my experiences that I have gone through and drawn from. Know that I am not perfect but that I will have aspired to be the most perfect mother I can be for you. And that I will always love you my dear Logan.

Love,
Your mother

'Nuff Said!

The Bafana Bafana vs La Mexico match kicks off tomorrow! England vs USA on Saturday - sweet!

It's Finally Here!

After a 4 year wait, the World Cup is just days away. And what is more spectacular than than the US vs England as our opening match? Nothing! With the England Captain out ( and one of their center backs) as well as an unsure keeper - James will give us one me thinks - I think the US could just surprise the Brits. But then again, the Brits just might kick our ass mightily.

In the group of death - Ivory Coast was dealt a major blow to their run with their captain now out. The German captain also is out. Brazil's keeper might be injured for the group phase which could be a big problem for them. This could be a very interesting tournament. I can't wait for the opening match this Friday! Mexico versus the host nation South Africa.

It's going to be a great cup!!!!

When it comes to sports, my husband is often right

He called this the minute he knew Vick had signed with Philly. Of course - I am sure a million other people did too. But he isn't wrong too often.

Eagles trade McNabb to Redskins - Vick is now the Eagles QB