No baby here

With almost all his baby fat gone, his legs stretching and body lengthening.....I have a full out little boy.

He can run and jump and climb with amazing tenacity. He is coordinated and strong and has a lot of energy. He is smart and beautiful and so very cheeky.

And now he had his first soccer training. First training kit and did great scoring goals. We'll see how far he takes it. But for now, he had a lot of fun.

Get With My Program

Oh my little bug a boo is growing up. Becoming quite the little boy, all with his own opinions, ideas, desires and wants. These are normal and positive things the articles tell me.....until they fly in the face of what you are trying to accomplish, even when those items to some degree aren't really a big deal in the spectrum of life.

With his independent stubbornness rearing it's head, I find myself in my head shouting out - GET WITH THE PROGRAM LOGAN aka MY program. All the meanwhile taking a deep breath, trying to politely smile at him and exert a calm voice that is clear in instruction and explanation......and of course, repeated several times because we are in the phase of everything has to be repeated - namely by him but apparently also by me, because he won't just.....get with my program. 

One of the big ones as of late has been the car seat. Logan get in your seat.

NO! I don't want to! He says. Then gives me the look of - what are you going to do.

After 2 more times of this round table, I fight the urge (in a southern old school black mama's voice)to tell him I am going to beat him like a red headed step child if he doesn't get in the car seat.) And as the little angel side of my conscious whispers in my ear - remember you want to see if you can actually do this raising/discipline without spanking idea....... I take another breath. This is just about getting him to sit in the seat - this is not the end of the world.

BUT I HAVE TO GET TO WORK AND I AM LATE! Says the pissed off side of my conscious.

I close my eyes and count to three. Logan - mommy has to get to work, she's late, let's go, I don't have time for this.

Noooooo, he says.

At that moment I am done --> NOW!

Ok so then depending on the day - he either gets in his seat or it turns into a game of - can you catch me in the car mommy first? Cause I have an SUV that he has found to be quite thrilling to jump over the back seat, roll around in the back, and do this over and over. This is just one of a few scenarios, but the idea is all the same.

And as the concept of this post was mulling over my head originally, I so happened to be in the office on a conference call with my boss, who has an older daughter now in high school and of driving age. In the middle of the call, her cell rings - it's her daughter, to which she steps to the doorway. And as I am partially paying attention to the conference call, I am also eavesdropping on hers, to which I hear: What do you mean you are leaving? You can't just leave. Well did you tell anyone? What do you mean you got a red slip? you don't have an open campus. You can't just leave......well.....and then a minute later the conversation ended with - call me when you get home. It's those moments that as I sat there over hearing this and half trying to compose myself from laughing, I reflected on the state of where I was at. Here I am - I can't get Logan to just get IN his car seat, and here she is - her daughter is just randomly driving away from school....and she is completely powerless to stop it.

WOW - I got a long long road ahead of me. And I need to step up my mental chess game. Although I doubt that will help me one day when Logan calls me to tell me he decided he just had enough of that day and was going home to watch some TV and play a video game. If I am lucky, he will be in sports and hopefully in season where I can use the leverage of, you know you can't play in your game tomorrow if you leave right? But if he is anything like me, he will be smart enough to pull that crap like the week after the season is over.......

I just need 10 minutes

I knew life as a single mom would be challenging, but the reality is, it boils down really to two main things. And I may post more on the second one later.

1. I just need 10 minutes to do [insert whatever the heck I need to do].
2. Get with the program [that of course would be MY program]

I love my kid. He's the coolest thing ever. The raddest little dude. But he's a boy. A VERY active little boy that when with me at home, won't be less than 10 ft from me at all times. Most of the time I don't mind, but sometimes there are things u r trying to accomplish, and well he makes it a little complicated. Like dinner. If I'm
Making dinner, he wants to either play with the pots and pans and plastic tubs in between the space i am navigating, or he wants to be within a foot of the sautéing meat on the stove. And it's not that I care about him playing with the stuff, and I am glad he is interested in the cooking process and want to encourage it, but if u saw my kitchen, you'd understand. It's small. I can reach everything in two steps, and really my head is silently screaming, get out of the fucking way before something bad happen. Like I turn around and jack myself in the now open cabinet door then falling and splattering hot food all over us and the floor. "but he didn't intend to be in the way" the other annoying voice in my head says. Yes I know, but could he just give me 10 mins.

And since he no naps on the weekends, it's 7 to 8:30 nonstop. Sometimes 'I' just need a 10 minute mommy time out. 10 minutes to refocus, breathe, calm down, calm my daredevil and romping boy down. I mean, he rarely plays by himself. Even with encouraging. If I get 15 mins where he is in his room.....once every two weeks, that's about average. I really only have the mommy timeouts on the weekend. But then comes the other type of.....I just need 10 minutes...

I need to take a shit.

Is it too much to ask for 10 mins to poop in peace? I mean, I have the double whammy with him on this topic. Either he decides he has to be in my 3 feet of personal space during this activity......& now that he is older, I am subjected to the color commentary of this unpleasant affair of......what was that? A fart Logan. Oh, stinky mommy! Hahaha! And while i can at least see he is in eyesight, i am subjected to the trashing of my million hair ornaments on the floor.

OR he decides to give me the peace, only to then do the.....oh no, what is my child doing in this moment activity? It was this that happened tonight. In the midst of his tubby, I had to take a crap. Not such a big deal since the toilet is right there and I'm in his bathroom. But then he decides, I'm done with tubby and gets out, only to toddle in his room. It's those moments later and the quiet that I realize. Oh no. Logan? What are you doing?

I'm putting on cream.

The cream would be his expensive eczema lotion that I have in his room, ready to put on before bed. Oh no.

Oh no is right! Logan can you come here please??? Right now!

I'm putting on cream mommy. I quickly end my business only to discover. He had indeed creamed himself.....& the floor. In the moment, I'm not sure what I'm more frustrated by. The lotion mashed in the carpet, the heavily creamed boy or the wasting of expensive lotion. And when I say creamed, he tells me, I lotioned my penis. As a teenage boy would do, experimenting for the first time with a bottle of lube. I had to put him back in the tubby to rinse him off, recream him, clean up the floor and the bathroom. Ugggh.

I just need 10 minutes........

If he had been a girl.

He always sees me with pig tails. And he loves to swish them and when I rub them in his face. So this weekend he told me he wanted some. Since I've been in the grow-his-hair-out-like-he's-a-rockstar's-kid phase, I figured it would be funny to acquiesce. And while he loved them, he's going to be totally pissed as a teenager when he sees these pics. And that makes this moment even more enjoyable.

The World According to Bug

I love the things he says these days. Some are funny little stories about what things do. Some are a mixture of two concepts ......scooping the snow and hosing off the rocky mountains, when he's talking about daddy's snow shovel and wanting to go through the car wash.

How he'll yell at the tv.....get up little Viking, get up at his cartoon Viking that fell down........and I realize he's mimicking me like when I yell at a professional soccer player on tv that took a dive.

He can tell you all about the trash trucks, and always wants to know where they went.

He will grab my iPhone, swipe it open, then hold it to his head and say, I emailing and texting.

I love how he now occasionally yells out ..... MOOOOOM! Like a teenager trying to figure out where his favorite shirt is.

There is no "bedtime", he's just taking a nap. That cuddles buys him extra awake time before said "nap." and that every night he believes might be the night I read one more book, or the same one....again, sing one more song, or come lay in bed with him.

And to hear him say, how was your day mommy? Good?

Melts my heart.....

It's all in the nuances

It's amazing to me the little things. Especially when i don't see him for several days at a time. It might be how he now tilts his head, has a little more control over his facial muscles for slight changes in expression. The fact that he can tell you not just that he is holding an elephant in his hand, but will point and name the trunk, the head, the back, the legs.

His stories are getting longer and have more details. And he is always making me laugh. Sometimes because of how he says something and I realize he got that inflection from me. Especially when you repeat something back to him in a question and he says...yeah. His insistence on helping is growing but he knows he can't grab everything or else mommy gets frustrated......cause he inadvertently spills stuff. But I let him watch and help out when he can and he loves that.

His memory retention almost freaks me out at times. He's so observant about things he sees he has me scrambling the line of sight to see what he saw - cause i know he saw it.

And while he is only 2 and a half - wow - the things I can articulate to him and his comprehension of it, blows me away. At the same time. I love it. It is teaching me not to take my son's intelligence or ability to understand for granted. To not treat him like a concept is beneath him, simply figure out how to explain the concept in a way he can understand. I love that I can rationalize with him. I can give him choices and let him choose. Although we are working on that - you don't always get a choice and this is one of those times. LOL I find it funny that I have him queued up on "let's have a talk." And we do. He comes and sits with me, I am calm, and then I explain whatever it is. Ask him a question in there, make him look at me. It's a very personal moment. A moment I know he has to pay attention. A moment that for me will always be built on. I know that I am creating the foundation to always "have a talk" with him. And that he knows when it is said that it will be calm. Might be a heavy conversation, but one where a discussion will be had and clarification will be stated.

I love that he is emerging from some of the commonalities of babies and into his own little being. And that I am getting to identify what those are. He likes Cars from Disney - but because of Mater not McQueen. LOL So off I go to find all sorts of Mater based stuff. He loves fresh blueberries and blueberry flavor, but not blueberry yogurt - cause of the pieces. He loves it when I make smoothies for him and it is almost a nightly occurrence now. He always wants ice in his sippy cup. He eats with his hands cause he wants to but he hates having his hands dirty so we go through multiple paper towels. He still loves to play with my pots and pans. And he cooks in the kitchen at school too. I thought he might be over this phase - but it does not appear to be the case. Oh well. He will be in the kitchen with me for years to come anyway. He hates tomatoes but loves ketchup and pasta sauce sans tomato chunks. He even knows where a hidden tomato is and refuses to eat it. He's into trucks and trains and building things, but not really into dinosaurs or robots. At least not yet. I love that he can sing Bob Marley, his ABC's, some nursery songs and a few others. And I am way happy not to have bought any of those annoying little kid songs.

He has a sweet and sensitive side to him. He uses manners and really except when he is wound up from rough housing, he is very well behaved and sweet. Sometimes he will softly pet my face and whisper - I pet mommy's face...with a smile. Or you might get a hug and kiss without prompting because he wants to give you one. He will give his own buddies kisses too. And when a kid at school pushes him - he looks at the kid quizically like, why did you do that?

There is a sweet innocence to him still. And while I know someday that will go away - i hope it isn't for awhile yet.