Why Valentine's Day is Special to Me

So most people would think this is a no brainer. It's Valentine's Day - you get to spend time with your honey, you get some flowers, a card and dinner. Well yes those are all great things and I do love that aspect. But Valentine's Day holds a trully deeper meaning for me. And I can sum it up with the phrase from my mother's V Card "Its You and Me Day".

10 years ago from yesterday was the first time I spoke with my biological mother Lori. Most of you know I was adopted. It was the first time we were reunited after almost 21 years of separation. I remember coming home from a rugby match to find a message from my mom Susan left by my roommate. It said, your mom called, she got in touch with your biological grandmother. I had gone from telling my mother I needed to know and was ready a month and a half before, to all of a sudden it was close. I called and she told me she just got off the phone with my mother (that was a weird feeling when she said it) and said she would call me after 4:30. The reality that I had gone from - I'm going to have to hire a lawyer to figure this out to oh my god my mother is going to call me was quite the speeding bullet. I couldn't back out now. My mother couldn't wait however and we talked for 4 hours, which was the beginning of a fresh perspective for me.

It was a reunion that had been long in the making and one that I am so glad I went through with. You can't possibly understand what it is like to grapple with feelings of should I or should I not find this person. What the inherent outcomes you will find, are unknown at the time and you can only hope for the best, and yet prepare yourself for the worst. Most of you have no idea what it truly is like to not know where you come from. Who you look like, why you do certain things - that are uncharacteristic from your adopted family members. The idea that there is another family out there that you almost lived your life with, can be quite the surreal experience. Especially when you do finally meet them.

Growing up I would always look at my friends and their parents and try to see where they got features from or even their attitudes. And if you think that finding your biological family only deals with you and your feelings - you are wrong. You have your existing family and their feelings to think about. I remember my brother feeling scared he was going to lose his sister and the relationship we had. I remember my stepdad yelling at me 10 years ago that this was my family and I need to just leave it be. And that I was only hurting my mother by going this route. I will leave many a choice words towards him about this subject alone, but I am really glad I did not pay attention to him. However, it was an element that I dealt with for a long time - how would my family handle this? How was I going to handle my family with this?

In the end, finding my birth mother has brought me peace and clarity. It has been what I needed in order to feel ok about myself and who I am. I have a greater understanding of the nature vs nurture breakdown within my own being. But in moving forward with my quest to find my mother, it was marred with all sorts of internal torment that one usually never thinks about. You have trepidation, anger, hurt, confusion, sadness, anxiety, remorse, fear. All things that propel you to satisfy a need you feel you must face. But the biggest feeling you must grapple with in this quest...is rejection. Rejection before you have every been rejected and being able to cope with that concept in the event that is what happens. It's a difficult thing to do however. But when I finally got to that point - I knew I was ready.

In the end for me, it was all worth it. But there are many adopted children don't feel that need. I feel that if I had a much more stable and loving environment growing up, I would have not felt this innate desire to find my mystery life. But I am glad that I was strong enough to do it. I have met many adopted people whoes eyes light up when they hear my story but they tell me they are too afraid to do it. It's in these moments I really have felt a desire to write a book. I probably will at some point - the question is when. I actually would like to write several books - a children's book and an adult book - for people to grapple with both sides.

Yesterday was my mom and I's 10th anniversary, and every year we celebrate it like an anniversary. It was our time and our moment. And Valentine's Day will forever hold a special place in my life because of it.