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Well I could have probably named the post about a million different things like for Shits and (no) Giggles, but it still seemed appropriate. So today I went back to the clinic to get my glucose test results back from my fasting the other day to see if i still have diabetes. Turns out i DON'T!! THANK GOD!!!!!! In fact my 2 hour glucose test was better than my fasting result. And my Vitamin D test was one of the best she had ever seen. Now on to the shit story.

So because I knew this little trip was going to be pretty short, I almost didn't bring the diaper bag. I mean he was going to be in the car most of the time. And they had wanted me to bring Logan so they could see him. And being a mommy - I wanted to show my baby boy off. However, the first problem was, I had to wake Logan up from a nap -and he was content in that nap too. Then I had to change his clothes - cause I had to make him look cuter than he was. Then I had to put him in the car seat - which he hates.

As I was backing out of the driveway, my lioness ears heard a noise. "Did he just shit his pants?" I thought. No - he already had a poopy diaper this morning. And he never poops more than once outside of 15 minutes and never more than once a day. But even if he did, I thought - it was probably just a small one - although those farts sounded pretty good. So we drive along and of course he starts to cry which is a bit off cause he usually is pretty good in the car once I start driving - my mommy instinct kicked in and I thought - I think he is sitting in his poop. He calms down a bit until we get to the hospital. Then he starts up again. To complicate matters - i couldn't get the stupid car seat out of the car when I got there which meant he was crying longer. Finally I get to the clinic but tell the front desk lady - I think he has a dirty diaper - can I go change that first? Because of course - changing him meant taking longer and being late for the appointment. So for the first time i was going to use a bathroom changing table.

Logan hated it. It was definitely not soft and warm like the ones he has at home. As I take off his pants, I look around the back and realize - OH MY GOD. Not only did he shit his pants - he shit through his onesie. And Logan is crying. So I am puling out the onesie (good thing that was in the diaper bag) to change him into and pull out the diaper, the wipes, the vinyl changing pad and the disposable baggies to put the poopy diaper in. But here is the rub, as I was trying to wipe his butt and back off - the poop kept creeping up his backside. And I realized - I have to get this stupid onesie off.

How the hell am I supposed to get this pooped on onesie off and over his head without smearing his head in it? OMG. And let me paint you a better picture. This isn't no solid poop diaper or where the onesie has just a little bit of poop on it. This was a full diarrhea style poopy diaper that by the time I was done had covered about a 3x4 inch area on his backside. So as i am trying to think if I can physically tear this sucker off with my two hands meanwhile Logan is screaming at this point, I'm realizing - I can't. So I take the onesie and kind of wipe the liquid poo off the back and tuck it under and start rolling it under. Then I get the front of it over the top of his head and now Logan is just a little pooey. Big breath.

Many wipes later my son has a new diaper, a new onesie and his pants and jacket back on. Meanwhile I am looking at this poopy soaked onesie and saying to myself what the fuck am I supposed to do with this? Insert continuously crying baby while I am trying to process this. Now my husband - he would have thrown it away. Or maybe even thrown it in a plastic baggie - but eventually thrown it away. But in my moment I kept thinking - this is still one of the few onesies he can still fit into - I don't want to throw it away. But realizing that means I have to now take it home and do the rinse out, scrub off and then wash. So that is what I do. And let me tell you - that is soooooo not a fun chore to do. By the time I got around to washing and scrubbing it out - the poo covered almost all of the backside of the onesie. However, the washer has gotten the residual poo and the poo stain OUT. Whew.

So when I got home I put Logan in the tubby for a bath, reclothed and diapered and fed him 6 ounces and then he passed out.

New Mommy Lesson:
I will never leave home without the diaper bag - no matter what. And I will always have that diaper bag stocked with everything you could possibly need.