Baby Bidet? Is probably what you are thinking. Yes, that's what I call it.
We have taken the approach in parenting to really try and make all of us get along as much as we possibly can without yelling at each other and inducing tears as a result. I know that is a lofty idea - but at least we have a goal and are constantly trying to improve upon it. So of the 4 things that really makes my baby cry, one of them is the fight him and i have over dirty diapers. His main woe is me wiping the sticky poo that just doesn't want to leave his perfectly soft little skin. And so then we get "kicking like a mule baby" at a dirty diaper change.......and for those who know me, I am sure you can just imagine how pissed off and impatient I am with this. I tried to be patient, I tried to be nice and sweet.......and then finally I just said - screw it and got physical and came one step away from hog tying him. It was at this point of pinning him down and giving him the death look of I will eat my young, that I realized I was losing the plot. Not just the in today plot, but I was also looking at an entire year of this before potty training and him getting even stronger and I foresaw visions of him having some weird poop fetish or phobia as an adult, induced by this problem with his mother. Very Freudian I know. But really, no one was happy about this and I absolutely do not want to be the cause of a problem like that. So after talking it through, T suggested that maybe we bidet him.
Realizing that the overwhelming majority of all poops were falling to me due to timing and schedules, I realized that this would be on my hands to do. So I did what I always do when assessing a situation. I immediately come up with all ways to poo poo it within 30 seconds. And realized there was only one solution if we did it --> the second kitchen sink. Did you do it too? Wrinkle up your nose when I said that? I did. So with that came the compromise that my husband was to adhere to. if we were going to baby bidet him in the second sink - it was now going to become an unusable sink until he was potty trained. Thus flooded my head with the Hazmat jackets and noises as I was telling him this. It was my condition. I just couldn't handle having dirty dishes in a sink where my son was having his butt rinsed off in of feces.
As I did it for the first time, I thought - I can't believe I am doing this. As I did it for the second time, I thought - I can't believe how good he is being while I do this. As I did it the third time, I realized - wow. Logan and I just have had 3 poopy diapers, have done the bidet each time - and there were no yelling, crying, tears, anger or frustration. As I did it the 4th time and had to literally get my hand in there to scrape or rub the poo off - oh yes, yes I did. You are imagining it right now aren't you? Me putting my hand on a poopy butt to wipe off the poo. Enjoy it - I will never do it for you. :) But I can now add this to the category of things I will do for peace with my son. Not since girl scouts and having to clean out the bathrooms at Ber Juan park have I been quite so disgusted with the poop concept. And that incident is also why I never continued in girl scouts - cleaning out toilets as an 8 year old - see ya! However, I have no problem cleaning my own toilet, and I will confess that at camps as a kid when I had to pick a duty - I did the toilets. Because they were faster and easier than anything else. LOL
More interesting on the baby bidet is that Logan has seen some of his poop specks washing down the drain. And having now gone down this route - this is what I can tell you. I have never seen an actual bidet in person, which means I have only seen them on TV and never personally experienced one. However, I can confirm for you that the trickle bidet's like in Crocodile Dundee - that won't get poop off. Maybe if there is a power hose setting?? Maybe it would be better as an adult because well - I didn't hang out in the diaper then fall on my butt therefore smashing poop across several inches. I just don't know.
But I do know - that I love my son, and I have found a solution that allows everyone to benefit, even if I don't really enjoy it much.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Monday, June 21, 2010
World Cup Ramblings
Well I can honestly say - I really did not think that Italy and England both would have two draws under their belt going into the third match. And really - I don't even think the bookies thought so either. And who would have thought a Portugal team who fielded a group I only know like 2 players would go on to ROUTE North Korea - which I am extremely happy about.
Then there is the referee issue. Unfortunately I felt from the start of the tournmanet that the referees were doing a good job. And then all of a sudden - it went dowhill. However, I think it is atrocious how officials have been decided for the world cup. How does a referee from a third world country with no quality league experience beat out officials from say......oh maybe the US (there are no US officials at the WC) with a second tier professional league to officiate in a match? That makes no sense. If the teams and players are expected to qualify - then it should not just be a physical test to pass and then a - well let's give someone a chance kind of thing. Millions of dollars are on the line. People's jobs are on the line. This isn't a charity tournament. But what do you expect with a guy like Sepp Blatter in chage of FIFA.......
The French - they are imploding! And I love it! I had them as the choke team of the tournament. SO to recap for you:
1. Scandal ties 3 players to underage teenage hooker a month or two before the tournament.
2. Coach benches Thierry Henry in favor of who again? Don't even remember the guy's name. Causes rift between team and coach.
3. Anelka refuses to play with said player during the match by not passing him the ball.
4. Anelka gets into profanity tirade with coach after match. Later is told to apologize - he refuses.
5. Someone from inside the team circle (my bet is on the trainer) leaks to the media the tirade.
6. Anelka is dismissed from the team.
7. Captain Patrice Evra has words with the coach the next day and then confronts the trainer about????????? Hmmmmmm my guess is he was the leak.
8. Trainer freaks out - there is video of it - on Evra (Evra was calm the whole time) and the trainer quits - throwing his badge on the way off the grounds.
9. French team gets back on bus and refuses to train in support of Anelka.
10. Team president or some other title from the federation decides he has had enough of the circus and HE quits!
And so here we are - one day away from France's last game of the tournament where they could bomb out. Will be an interesting day tomorrow.
Then there is the referee issue. Unfortunately I felt from the start of the tournmanet that the referees were doing a good job. And then all of a sudden - it went dowhill. However, I think it is atrocious how officials have been decided for the world cup. How does a referee from a third world country with no quality league experience beat out officials from say......oh maybe the US (there are no US officials at the WC) with a second tier professional league to officiate in a match? That makes no sense. If the teams and players are expected to qualify - then it should not just be a physical test to pass and then a - well let's give someone a chance kind of thing. Millions of dollars are on the line. People's jobs are on the line. This isn't a charity tournament. But what do you expect with a guy like Sepp Blatter in chage of FIFA.......
The French - they are imploding! And I love it! I had them as the choke team of the tournament. SO to recap for you:
1. Scandal ties 3 players to underage teenage hooker a month or two before the tournament.
2. Coach benches Thierry Henry in favor of who again? Don't even remember the guy's name. Causes rift between team and coach.
3. Anelka refuses to play with said player during the match by not passing him the ball.
4. Anelka gets into profanity tirade with coach after match. Later is told to apologize - he refuses.
5. Someone from inside the team circle (my bet is on the trainer) leaks to the media the tirade.
6. Anelka is dismissed from the team.
7. Captain Patrice Evra has words with the coach the next day and then confronts the trainer about????????? Hmmmmmm my guess is he was the leak.
8. Trainer freaks out - there is video of it - on Evra (Evra was calm the whole time) and the trainer quits - throwing his badge on the way off the grounds.
9. French team gets back on bus and refuses to train in support of Anelka.
10. Team president or some other title from the federation decides he has had enough of the circus and HE quits!
And so here we are - one day away from France's last game of the tournament where they could bomb out. Will be an interesting day tomorrow.
Friday, June 18, 2010
What a Day!
Wow! As the US comes off their second draw at the World Cup, England does the same, setting up for a very interesting match up next week for all teams in the group with anyone able to advance. As to how I feel about the controversial call - I'm pissed of course. But really, the boys should have gotten it done on their own merits and one of the things that I am really torked about is something that I have long been frustrated with in this sport. The fact that a soccer official doesn't have to explain a call or justify a call to anyone (except an assessor and they won't make anything public). No other sport has this blind rule. And it is one that really - could just make everyone cool down from time to time if people knew --> why.
US Soccer asked FIFA for an explanation. FIFA's response? The referee has stated "no comment".
The following is an excerpt by Peter King on an article he wrote today:
The call was awful. But in all sports, when hugely controversial calls are made -- the Tuck Rule call by Walt Coleman in the Raiders-Patriots playoff game nine years ago, the Jim Joyce ruination-of-the-perfect-game this month -- at least we know what the call is. Here, millions of people staring at TVs around the world are still asking, "What's the call?''
You could feel it in the bowels of Ellis Park after the game. Don't make a big stir over this. It's soccer. Nothing you can do it about it. It's just the way it is.
Why? Why is this just blindly accepted? FIFA uses a referee -- in a game of vital importance in determining who moves on in the biggest tournament in any sport in the world -- whose highest previous assignment was the African Cup. That's got to be the equivalent of a Mid-American Conference ref being assigned the Super Bowl.
Coaches coach for four years to get to the World Cup. Players train for four years to get to the World Cup. And they have their fate decided by some wordless man handed an assignment he had no business having. But as important: Just what is this governing body FIFA, with the world watching its signature event, doing when it doesn't mandate an explanation from the referee about what he called that determined the outcome of a game?
US Soccer asked FIFA for an explanation. FIFA's response? The referee has stated "no comment".
The following is an excerpt by Peter King on an article he wrote today:
The call was awful. But in all sports, when hugely controversial calls are made -- the Tuck Rule call by Walt Coleman in the Raiders-Patriots playoff game nine years ago, the Jim Joyce ruination-of-the-perfect-game this month -- at least we know what the call is. Here, millions of people staring at TVs around the world are still asking, "What's the call?''
You could feel it in the bowels of Ellis Park after the game. Don't make a big stir over this. It's soccer. Nothing you can do it about it. It's just the way it is.
Why? Why is this just blindly accepted? FIFA uses a referee -- in a game of vital importance in determining who moves on in the biggest tournament in any sport in the world -- whose highest previous assignment was the African Cup. That's got to be the equivalent of a Mid-American Conference ref being assigned the Super Bowl.
Coaches coach for four years to get to the World Cup. Players train for four years to get to the World Cup. And they have their fate decided by some wordless man handed an assignment he had no business having. But as important: Just what is this governing body FIFA, with the world watching its signature event, doing when it doesn't mandate an explanation from the referee about what he called that determined the outcome of a game?
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Every once in awhile, I write some good stuff
if I always wrote the things in my head - I would actually probably write a lot of good stuff. But unfortunately I usually don't get it out. I found a letter I wrote to Logan almost a year ago - one month from delivering. So you can imagine the hormones and all sorts of fun stuff that was going through me at the time. Mixed in with feeling like death, I was a little surprised to go back and see how lucid I was. Usually I don't have a really good first draft, but I feel this made the grade.
July 29, 2009
Dear Logan Alexander,
As I write this letter to you which may never be read, I write it with total love in my heart and with the intention that I may never remember some of the things I say today but feel compelled to share them.
I have been told that once you are born, my life will never be the same. I have been told that I will feel a love like I have never felt before. I have been told a whole shit ton of things by a lot of people who all want to dispense their advice to me. Some of whom I respect and others who I wish would just keep their mouth shut.
As the only child I ever plan to give birth to, I know I will love you to pieces. But I also know that it comes at a cost. A cost that will at times frustrate me to no end when you are acting in your own independent thought and manner. The same independent thought and manner that you inherited from both your father and I. Oh the irony in that rationale.
As a parent I know that I will be up against a constant battle for the next 18 years of your life as I try to guide and teach you in the way I believe you need to be guided in order to be a productive member of society. I know now that your failures and successes will to some degree feel like my failures and successes as a mother. Because in your failures I will feel as if I have failed you. In your successes I will feel it was my teachings that helped you succeed. What I hope is that someday you will consider me one of your closest confidantes, but that day will not be in the next 18 years of your life. As my sole purpose as your mother is not to be your best friend, but to provide for you and nurture you in the way that a good parent will so that you can one day leap from this nest and spread your wings and stand on your own. While the thought of you graduating from high school and leaving home has me already in tears for a baby I have yet to hold, I also know that the hardest of my work at that point will be done. And that through all the new experiences you will encounter - some good some bad - that hopefully you will know that your father and I will always be two people you can rely upon for advice and guidance, or just an ear to let you vent as you work your way through situations.
My greatest hope is that when you look back, you will feel as if your parents did the best job that they could in raising you. That at the end of the day, you are successful on your own merits and it was the principles and examples we established for you that allowed you to get where you are. That you can be proud of yourself and that you find a path of happiness that works for you.
My greatest fear is that all of the teachings that we lay as a foundation for you are undone by the friends you choose or the decisions you make. And I have seen that happen with people before. While friends are an important part of the socialization of a person and as you grow will become a dominant influence in your life, they also can lead people down dangerous paths. It doesn’t meant the people themselves are “bad people”, just that they make bad decisions. What I hope for you is that you can rise above peer pressure and truly be your own independent decision maker that refuses to be swayed by another person simply because they think a decision is a good or fun one. There have been several times I have had to stand up for myself which meant I stood alone or had to make a drastic change in order to feel good about myself afterwards. I hope you have the mental strength to overcome such adversity when faced with it.
I hope the decisions you make are based on logical thought and responsible actions - although I know as a teenager both of those two ideas will be lost on you. I hope that you choose not to do drugs not because the latest Don’t Do Drugs mascot tells you to or you went through the DARE program, or because they simply are illegal, but because you understand that drugs are dangerous. That you don’t know what was done to something to alter them further or if they were even made properly. And even if you do, that at the end of the day, they simply are a mind altering substance that will eat your brain cells away. That clarity of thought is simply a chemical reaction in your brain. Not that your problems have magically disappeared or that you now have the answers to them. And that despite your supreme knowledge that “you can handle them” and “you know your limits”, that those phrases are a bunch of bull shit. That one day you will realize you wish you had saved that money spent on them to go on a cool vacation to Europe or Hawaii. And that having a woman in your life is more gratifying than any drug induced episode you may have.
It is my hope that you meet a woman who is worthy of you. I say this of course as the mother of my only son who undoubtedly will probably think there is no woman truly worthy of my son, but I will cling to hope that this is one area where I am wrong. And that even if I don’t think that woman is good enough for you, that I will at least see that she makes you happy and that you are a good match for each other. I hope that your father and I will do a good job of teaching you how to treat women so that you can have a happy and lasting marriage.
So in all those times that you are frustrated with me, know that it is because I am doing what I believe is in your best interest even though it may not feel like it at the time. That I am making decisions for you and about you based on all of my experiences that I have gone through and drawn from. Know that I am not perfect but that I will have aspired to be the most perfect mother I can be for you. And that I will always love you my dear Logan.
Love,
Your mother
July 29, 2009
Dear Logan Alexander,
As I write this letter to you which may never be read, I write it with total love in my heart and with the intention that I may never remember some of the things I say today but feel compelled to share them.
I have been told that once you are born, my life will never be the same. I have been told that I will feel a love like I have never felt before. I have been told a whole shit ton of things by a lot of people who all want to dispense their advice to me. Some of whom I respect and others who I wish would just keep their mouth shut.
As the only child I ever plan to give birth to, I know I will love you to pieces. But I also know that it comes at a cost. A cost that will at times frustrate me to no end when you are acting in your own independent thought and manner. The same independent thought and manner that you inherited from both your father and I. Oh the irony in that rationale.
As a parent I know that I will be up against a constant battle for the next 18 years of your life as I try to guide and teach you in the way I believe you need to be guided in order to be a productive member of society. I know now that your failures and successes will to some degree feel like my failures and successes as a mother. Because in your failures I will feel as if I have failed you. In your successes I will feel it was my teachings that helped you succeed. What I hope is that someday you will consider me one of your closest confidantes, but that day will not be in the next 18 years of your life. As my sole purpose as your mother is not to be your best friend, but to provide for you and nurture you in the way that a good parent will so that you can one day leap from this nest and spread your wings and stand on your own. While the thought of you graduating from high school and leaving home has me already in tears for a baby I have yet to hold, I also know that the hardest of my work at that point will be done. And that through all the new experiences you will encounter - some good some bad - that hopefully you will know that your father and I will always be two people you can rely upon for advice and guidance, or just an ear to let you vent as you work your way through situations.
My greatest hope is that when you look back, you will feel as if your parents did the best job that they could in raising you. That at the end of the day, you are successful on your own merits and it was the principles and examples we established for you that allowed you to get where you are. That you can be proud of yourself and that you find a path of happiness that works for you.
My greatest fear is that all of the teachings that we lay as a foundation for you are undone by the friends you choose or the decisions you make. And I have seen that happen with people before. While friends are an important part of the socialization of a person and as you grow will become a dominant influence in your life, they also can lead people down dangerous paths. It doesn’t meant the people themselves are “bad people”, just that they make bad decisions. What I hope for you is that you can rise above peer pressure and truly be your own independent decision maker that refuses to be swayed by another person simply because they think a decision is a good or fun one. There have been several times I have had to stand up for myself which meant I stood alone or had to make a drastic change in order to feel good about myself afterwards. I hope you have the mental strength to overcome such adversity when faced with it.
I hope the decisions you make are based on logical thought and responsible actions - although I know as a teenager both of those two ideas will be lost on you. I hope that you choose not to do drugs not because the latest Don’t Do Drugs mascot tells you to or you went through the DARE program, or because they simply are illegal, but because you understand that drugs are dangerous. That you don’t know what was done to something to alter them further or if they were even made properly. And even if you do, that at the end of the day, they simply are a mind altering substance that will eat your brain cells away. That clarity of thought is simply a chemical reaction in your brain. Not that your problems have magically disappeared or that you now have the answers to them. And that despite your supreme knowledge that “you can handle them” and “you know your limits”, that those phrases are a bunch of bull shit. That one day you will realize you wish you had saved that money spent on them to go on a cool vacation to Europe or Hawaii. And that having a woman in your life is more gratifying than any drug induced episode you may have.
It is my hope that you meet a woman who is worthy of you. I say this of course as the mother of my only son who undoubtedly will probably think there is no woman truly worthy of my son, but I will cling to hope that this is one area where I am wrong. And that even if I don’t think that woman is good enough for you, that I will at least see that she makes you happy and that you are a good match for each other. I hope that your father and I will do a good job of teaching you how to treat women so that you can have a happy and lasting marriage.
So in all those times that you are frustrated with me, know that it is because I am doing what I believe is in your best interest even though it may not feel like it at the time. That I am making decisions for you and about you based on all of my experiences that I have gone through and drawn from. Know that I am not perfect but that I will have aspired to be the most perfect mother I can be for you. And that I will always love you my dear Logan.
Love,
Your mother
Thursday, June 10, 2010
'Nuff Said!
The Bafana Bafana vs La Mexico match kicks off tomorrow! England vs USA on Saturday - sweet!
Sunday, June 06, 2010
It's Finally Here!
After a 4 year wait, the World Cup is just days away. And what is more spectacular than than the US vs England as our opening match? Nothing! With the England Captain out ( and one of their center backs) as well as an unsure keeper - James will give us one me thinks - I think the US could just surprise the Brits. But then again, the Brits just might kick our ass mightily.
In the group of death - Ivory Coast was dealt a major blow to their run with their captain now out. The German captain also is out. Brazil's keeper might be injured for the group phase which could be a big problem for them. This could be a very interesting tournament. I can't wait for the opening match this Friday! Mexico versus the host nation South Africa.
It's going to be a great cup!!!!
In the group of death - Ivory Coast was dealt a major blow to their run with their captain now out. The German captain also is out. Brazil's keeper might be injured for the group phase which could be a big problem for them. This could be a very interesting tournament. I can't wait for the opening match this Friday! Mexico versus the host nation South Africa.
It's going to be a great cup!!!!
Monday, April 05, 2010
When it comes to sports, my husband is often right
He called this the minute he knew Vick had signed with Philly. Of course - I am sure a million other people did too. But he isn't wrong too often.
Eagles trade McNabb to Redskins - Vick is now the Eagles QB
Eagles trade McNabb to Redskins - Vick is now the Eagles QB
Saturday, April 03, 2010
One of the rotten pillars of healthcare
And this is just one reason why healthcare reform needs to start happening with the pharmaceutical industry. And why I am not a fan of for profit corporations having a market share over our health.
Pharmaceutical Company Pfizer
Pharmaceutical Company Pfizer
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Scarves Up!
That's right! Today MLS opens up with Seattle against the new expansion team the Philadelphia Union at Qwest field to start the season. I can't wait to go to the loud and rowdy game. Thank you MLS for not striking as this is the one fun activity I will get to do all year. Unfortunately the camera is never on my side of the field so no 2 seconds for fame for me. GO SOUNDERS!!!
Monday, March 22, 2010
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Whew! That was close!!!
MLS and Players Union agree to CBA deal, 2010 season will begin on time.
The 2010 Major League Soccer season will begin on time after the league and its players union agreed to a new Collective Bargaining Agreement on Saturday. The sides agreed to a new five-year deal.
MLS commissioner Don Garber and MLS players union executive Bob Foose announced the deal in a conference call on Saturday.
Guaranteed contracts (details to come on how many), improved freedom of movement by players out of contract (not quite free agency) and "greatly improved compensation" for players.
The league will create a new Re-Entry Draft, where players out of contract will be able to be selected by new teams after the season.
The 2010 Major League Soccer season will begin on time after the league and its players union agreed to a new Collective Bargaining Agreement on Saturday. The sides agreed to a new five-year deal.
MLS commissioner Don Garber and MLS players union executive Bob Foose announced the deal in a conference call on Saturday.
Guaranteed contracts (details to come on how many), improved freedom of movement by players out of contract (not quite free agency) and "greatly improved compensation" for players.
The league will create a new Re-Entry Draft, where players out of contract will be able to be selected by new teams after the season.
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Come on US Boys!
you have to at least try to do a little better! I know it is Holland but you won't make it out of the group if you play like that!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Now I get it (I mean I really get it)
They say to put your baby down when he is real young so he learns how to soothe himself to sleep. That's fine - i've been doing that since it made sense to me and I didn't really like the idea of trying to calm him to sleep for an hour. But it isn't really until now that I get it. So when I put my baby boy down on his tummy for a nap, rub his back, but in the process he decides to ............roll over and smile at me.....................I can just walk away..................
And less than 5 minutes later he had rolled himself back over and fallen asleep.
And less than 5 minutes later he had rolled himself back over and fallen asleep.
Wednesday, January 06, 2010
What a downer day
1. I realized I still weigh the same amount as I did two months ago - although I have been getting slimmer - I hate scales - that's why I hid mine. I should have never brought it back out.
2. A professional resume writer reviewed my resume and told me.....it shows that I am a doer not an achiever. :(
Well here is how she started out.......... "Here’s the good news: my first impression of you is that you have an impressive array of skills and experiences. You’re a qualified Marketing Professional with a lot to offer an employer. Now, here’s the bad news: your resume does not pass the 30 second test and the content is not up to the standards one would expect from a candidate like you."
And here was a great one regarding visual content........"I found your design to be crowded. The appearance is not polished, and it doesn’t say “high potential Director of Operations and Marketing." Remember that your resume is your marketing tool. It’s the first impression a potential employer has of you. Now – think about how generic brands are marketed versus the name brand. The packaging, advertising and branding are all carefully selected to attract attention and convince you to buy. Your resume should do the same thing - you want to be the brand name product. I’m concerned that your resume is selling you like a generic, and that it’s not likely to get picked among those of other candidates. The ideal resume design is airy, clean, and uncluttered, with the effective and strategic use of white space."
Can someone explain to me how one can make their resume airy, clean and uncluttered when you are trying to articulate you have and can do a lot of stuff???????? It's not like you do a designer resume. So here is my resume - no not exaclty as it is formatted, but you get the gist. Of course they wanted me to pay $400 to fix it - I about choked on that amount.
Overview
Marketing Communications / Project & Product Management / Sales & Account Management
Professional Profile - they are supposed to be spaced out
Business Development Market Research & Analysis
Strategic Partnerships Relationship Building
Team Leadership Presentation Skills
Product Development Web/Print Content & Collateral
Project Management Marketing Strategies and Campaigns
New Product Launch Sales Support & Training
Organizational Skills Interpersonal Skills
Professional Experience
NEXT ONLINE SOLUTIONS 2/2005 – 12/20009
Director of Operations and Marketing
Marketing Responsibilities
Created training documentation, marketing collateral, email campaigns & web site content.
Created and executed marketing strategies for lead generation of web-based and direct mail campaigns.
Supervised all aspects of graphic design (including personnel).
Created and maintained competitive analysis, white paper and strategic positioning documents for partner marketing channels.
Created and implemented channel marketing plans.
Managed marketing affiliate relationships.
Collected ideas from sales and customers to drive the business needs.
Operations Responsibilities
Worked closely with development, design, marketing, customer service and finance departments
Responsible for all areas of product management.
Researched, analyzed and communicated customer feedback to determine feature enhancements and problematic trends to support, sales and engineering.
Created functional business requirements and documented process work flows.
Subject Matter Expert
Managed all aspects of vendor partnerships and integration efforts.
Managed contract and billing account management.
Ensured company compliance requirements were met to comply with regulations.
Supervised all aspects of customer service (including personnel).
KROLL FACTUAL DATA 7/2000 - 1/2005
National Marketing Specialist
Created and maintained a competitive analysis and strategic positioning documents for partner marketing channels.
Responsible for project and product management of technology integrations with strategic partners.
Created channel marketing strategies and implemented through regional sales channels.
Managed 30+ lending platforms and 25+ strategic channel partner platforms.
Supervised sales support specialists.
Gathered and documented business requirements for development.
Collaborated with internal and customer executive management teams.
Collaborated with internal company departments for project management needs.
Daily management of customers from sales through account implementation.
Managed accounts exceeding $8 million per year from inception.
Consistently met revenue goals and increased market penetration.
Managed multi-million dollar accounts in the financial industry.
Inside Sales Support - Employment Division
Increased market penetration through sales calls.
Created training manuals for customers.
Implemented new customers through set-up and training.
Handled technical and customer service issues.
2. A professional resume writer reviewed my resume and told me.....it shows that I am a doer not an achiever. :(
Well here is how she started out.......... "Here’s the good news: my first impression of you is that you have an impressive array of skills and experiences. You’re a qualified Marketing Professional with a lot to offer an employer. Now, here’s the bad news: your resume does not pass the 30 second test and the content is not up to the standards one would expect from a candidate like you."
And here was a great one regarding visual content........"I found your design to be crowded. The appearance is not polished, and it doesn’t say “high potential Director of Operations and Marketing." Remember that your resume is your marketing tool. It’s the first impression a potential employer has of you. Now – think about how generic brands are marketed versus the name brand. The packaging, advertising and branding are all carefully selected to attract attention and convince you to buy. Your resume should do the same thing - you want to be the brand name product. I’m concerned that your resume is selling you like a generic, and that it’s not likely to get picked among those of other candidates. The ideal resume design is airy, clean, and uncluttered, with the effective and strategic use of white space."
Can someone explain to me how one can make their resume airy, clean and uncluttered when you are trying to articulate you have and can do a lot of stuff???????? It's not like you do a designer resume. So here is my resume - no not exaclty as it is formatted, but you get the gist. Of course they wanted me to pay $400 to fix it - I about choked on that amount.
Overview
Marketing Communications / Project & Product Management / Sales & Account Management
Professional Profile - they are supposed to be spaced out
Business Development Market Research & Analysis
Strategic Partnerships Relationship Building
Team Leadership Presentation Skills
Product Development Web/Print Content & Collateral
Project Management Marketing Strategies and Campaigns
New Product Launch Sales Support & Training
Organizational Skills Interpersonal Skills
Professional Experience
NEXT ONLINE SOLUTIONS 2/2005 – 12/20009
Director of Operations and Marketing
Marketing Responsibilities
Created training documentation, marketing collateral, email campaigns & web site content.
Created and executed marketing strategies for lead generation of web-based and direct mail campaigns.
Supervised all aspects of graphic design (including personnel).
Created and maintained competitive analysis, white paper and strategic positioning documents for partner marketing channels.
Created and implemented channel marketing plans.
Managed marketing affiliate relationships.
Collected ideas from sales and customers to drive the business needs.
Operations Responsibilities
Worked closely with development, design, marketing, customer service and finance departments
Responsible for all areas of product management.
Researched, analyzed and communicated customer feedback to determine feature enhancements and problematic trends to support, sales and engineering.
Created functional business requirements and documented process work flows.
Subject Matter Expert
Managed all aspects of vendor partnerships and integration efforts.
Managed contract and billing account management.
Ensured company compliance requirements were met to comply with regulations.
Supervised all aspects of customer service (including personnel).
KROLL FACTUAL DATA 7/2000 - 1/2005
National Marketing Specialist
Created and maintained a competitive analysis and strategic positioning documents for partner marketing channels.
Responsible for project and product management of technology integrations with strategic partners.
Created channel marketing strategies and implemented through regional sales channels.
Managed 30+ lending platforms and 25+ strategic channel partner platforms.
Supervised sales support specialists.
Gathered and documented business requirements for development.
Collaborated with internal and customer executive management teams.
Collaborated with internal company departments for project management needs.
Daily management of customers from sales through account implementation.
Managed accounts exceeding $8 million per year from inception.
Consistently met revenue goals and increased market penetration.
Managed multi-million dollar accounts in the financial industry.
Inside Sales Support - Employment Division
Increased market penetration through sales calls.
Created training manuals for customers.
Implemented new customers through set-up and training.
Handled technical and customer service issues.
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