Today a sad event occurred. Tony's great aunt Ethel passed away early this morning. She had been struggling with cancer and in the end, she managed to live through her 92nd birthday. Because of the timing, we will unfortunately be able to attedn her funeral.
As I think about all of this though I realize witht eh passing of an elderly loved one, will come another cycle - a marriage. And within about a week of that we expect to also be blessed by adding a new member to our family with a baby nephew. Quite the trifecta of life cycles to be occurring like this.
Our family is beginning and growing and in a couple years will be expanding ourselves. It seems the moms are getting excited for grandbabies. I guess I am starting to get a little excited for babies. But we have a wedding to go to first!
Spekaing of which, in about 26 hours, we are headed east. East to do our wedding duties and fun parties and events. East to see family and friends who are spending significant money and taking time out of their schedules to be there for Tony and I. It really is appreciated.
Until then - BON VOYAGE! Will see you when I get back!
~A
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Monday, May 21, 2007
7 days from today I become a Mrs.......
Holy crap Batman. 7 days from today and I will officially be married.
I would say I am no starting to be in full emotional mode. Waves a sweetness and tears when the song we will dance to is on the radio - which I have heard twice today and once yesterday. The tears are of course happy tears - they really are about the fullness of that moment. But I really do hate crying in general. SO I find myself loving the memory and idea dn getting pissed off beause I am crying and it isn't even THE moment yet.
Today I go get waxed. I won't share the Too Much Information bit with you - but it will be a new and interesting experience. Tomorrow we have a couple things to do - mainly laundry and packing and getting the car serviced. But I can tell you this - I am already checked out of work. I'm ready to be gone from here for the day and of course for longer than that but one thing at a time. I am grateful that there are no more things to buy and only one more box is showing up - today of course. :) I am ready for this journey that awaits Tony and I. The timeline is set and the adventures are about ready to start. Tony and I do road trips well together so the idea of being with him in a car for a 24 hour road trip split into two days - actually it is quite fun. We have had many a great talks on those kinds of trips and have been lucky enough not to even need the radio at points for hours on end. We've braved several scary weather moments while on the road and both look at each other after and go - that was close...moving on.
Of all the things I am not afraid of in getting married is being able to weather tough issues while married. I feel Tony and I have already weathered some tough life changing things and have been able to get through them just fine. Our communication is pretty good so we are usually pretty good about talking things through. I definitely don't think I have had cold feet at any point during this process. Now I am 30. If i was younger it might be a different story. But I feel ready and feel I have the right man. SO LET'S DO IT!!!!!!
Leaving in 48 hours from now.............
The Bride
I would say I am no starting to be in full emotional mode. Waves a sweetness and tears when the song we will dance to is on the radio - which I have heard twice today and once yesterday. The tears are of course happy tears - they really are about the fullness of that moment. But I really do hate crying in general. SO I find myself loving the memory and idea dn getting pissed off beause I am crying and it isn't even THE moment yet.
Today I go get waxed. I won't share the Too Much Information bit with you - but it will be a new and interesting experience. Tomorrow we have a couple things to do - mainly laundry and packing and getting the car serviced. But I can tell you this - I am already checked out of work. I'm ready to be gone from here for the day and of course for longer than that but one thing at a time. I am grateful that there are no more things to buy and only one more box is showing up - today of course. :) I am ready for this journey that awaits Tony and I. The timeline is set and the adventures are about ready to start. Tony and I do road trips well together so the idea of being with him in a car for a 24 hour road trip split into two days - actually it is quite fun. We have had many a great talks on those kinds of trips and have been lucky enough not to even need the radio at points for hours on end. We've braved several scary weather moments while on the road and both look at each other after and go - that was close...moving on.
Of all the things I am not afraid of in getting married is being able to weather tough issues while married. I feel Tony and I have already weathered some tough life changing things and have been able to get through them just fine. Our communication is pretty good so we are usually pretty good about talking things through. I definitely don't think I have had cold feet at any point during this process. Now I am 30. If i was younger it might be a different story. But I feel ready and feel I have the right man. SO LET'S DO IT!!!!!!
Leaving in 48 hours from now.............
The Bride
Thursday, May 17, 2007
The Collegiate Soccer Source
SO my good news of the day is..........my soccer business. Well actually Tony and I's soccer business. That in itself has been probably the most visible change in the whole - I'm getting married bit. Everything is now our, us, or we. There is no me, I or mine necessarily anymore. But you know, that is ok too - it's just a change in habit is all. So I should probably restart by saying......
So OUR soccer business :) seems to be trending upward. Well at least by hits to our site. I haven't changed the paltry advertising fee from before - just the advertising message. I find it funny that going from FREE Welcoem Kit to College Soccer Prep Kit (not free) has made MORE people interested. Sometimes it is weird how things work. I think more people must be skeptical of free things than just having to pay for something. LOL
So yesterday we hit an all time high. We had over 100 people hit our web site. Can you believe that????? My jaw fell open as it wasn't but a few days ago that we even had 50 visitors to our web site in a day - and that was also a record. We basically had been fluctuating in the teens and a couple times in the 20's for the past year. No purchases yet but I feel it coming! I definitely feel positive about the increase in traffic.
Keep your fingers crossed and send lots of positive juju our way! If this works out - I can say Bon Voyage to what I am currently doing and any job I might get in the future! I can feel it coming though. Tony told me the other night. He's either going to be laughing at me when we are 60 at all my "predictions" or he's going to be saying"good job!" LOL I hope it is the latter. :)
So OUR soccer business :) seems to be trending upward. Well at least by hits to our site. I haven't changed the paltry advertising fee from before - just the advertising message. I find it funny that going from FREE Welcoem Kit to College Soccer Prep Kit (not free) has made MORE people interested. Sometimes it is weird how things work. I think more people must be skeptical of free things than just having to pay for something. LOL
So yesterday we hit an all time high. We had over 100 people hit our web site. Can you believe that????? My jaw fell open as it wasn't but a few days ago that we even had 50 visitors to our web site in a day - and that was also a record. We basically had been fluctuating in the teens and a couple times in the 20's for the past year. No purchases yet but I feel it coming! I definitely feel positive about the increase in traffic.
Keep your fingers crossed and send lots of positive juju our way! If this works out - I can say Bon Voyage to what I am currently doing and any job I might get in the future! I can feel it coming though. Tony told me the other night. He's either going to be laughing at me when we are 60 at all my "predictions" or he's going to be saying"good job!" LOL I hope it is the latter. :)
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
We leave in a week
WOW!
I can't believe that at this time next week, the car will be getting packed up, we will watch the Champions League Final (cause we are a soccer family :) ) and then we will be hitting the road!!! And in 12 days we will be getting married!
I still have two boxes that have to come in before we can leave however! I have to finish up the slide show still and I have a few other things to do - all minor of course. I haven't even done a run through of my hair yet either! I scheduled the week before we leave apptmts and only have a couple finalizing on the seating arrangements and such.
I find it interesting that people are saying - I'll get to relax soon. I'm not quite sure when that moment is - I have a feeling it will be after we say our I Do's and are doing the receiving line. Cause I don't see how I can relax before that moment. I mean, I don't even know how I want the deck setup for the wedding and won't be able to figure that out until the Rehearsal! I have no idea how to time the music either. How is that relaxing?? The Lodge lady told me my layout of the reception room wouldn't work either because of some kitchen service doors - which I don't remember seeing when I was there but ok. I haven't been able to see where we are doing this event since January, so I am freaking out a little bit. Not that I think I have anything really to freak out about. I mean - the pope isn't showing up. So if something doesn't go right - oh well, I guess that is part of the unique wedding drama right?
The whole wedding thing also has me sitting there looking at the wedding industry and thinking - man some of these people really rip you off. The Chair covers - $3 a chair to rent for 24 hours and yet I think you can BUY chair covers for $7 a chair. The minister - I KNOW I am getting ripped off there - $275 - for about 30 minutes worth of work. The meal - $3 a filet to add the "temperature cooking option". Basically we are paying $3 a steak for the waiter to ask "how would you like your steak cooked?" And then the cook has to keep the steak on the grill longer. But with 55 steaks - HOW IS THAT REALLY HARD since everyone will be either medium rare or medium? I wanted to finagle the Lodge lady on that item - but I was able to get her to get rid of our second option of food - thereby cutting all the plate costs by $10. So basically I save $7 a plate anyway so I felt it was picking a fight. I really just wanted people to be able to drink more booze. :)
I think I am also getting antsy because I am SOOOOOO ready to get away from my job. Not that it is hard, taxing, or anything else for that matter. But the feeling of limbo is not particularly comforting. I am pretty sure i have a job for at least two weeks when I get back and realistically probably a month - so I'm not going to worry about it. But I am glad to get to see people I love and miss and am excited to have a good time.
I can't believe that at this time next week, the car will be getting packed up, we will watch the Champions League Final (cause we are a soccer family :) ) and then we will be hitting the road!!! And in 12 days we will be getting married!
I still have two boxes that have to come in before we can leave however! I have to finish up the slide show still and I have a few other things to do - all minor of course. I haven't even done a run through of my hair yet either! I scheduled the week before we leave apptmts and only have a couple finalizing on the seating arrangements and such.
I find it interesting that people are saying - I'll get to relax soon. I'm not quite sure when that moment is - I have a feeling it will be after we say our I Do's and are doing the receiving line. Cause I don't see how I can relax before that moment. I mean, I don't even know how I want the deck setup for the wedding and won't be able to figure that out until the Rehearsal! I have no idea how to time the music either. How is that relaxing?? The Lodge lady told me my layout of the reception room wouldn't work either because of some kitchen service doors - which I don't remember seeing when I was there but ok. I haven't been able to see where we are doing this event since January, so I am freaking out a little bit. Not that I think I have anything really to freak out about. I mean - the pope isn't showing up. So if something doesn't go right - oh well, I guess that is part of the unique wedding drama right?
The whole wedding thing also has me sitting there looking at the wedding industry and thinking - man some of these people really rip you off. The Chair covers - $3 a chair to rent for 24 hours and yet I think you can BUY chair covers for $7 a chair. The minister - I KNOW I am getting ripped off there - $275 - for about 30 minutes worth of work. The meal - $3 a filet to add the "temperature cooking option". Basically we are paying $3 a steak for the waiter to ask "how would you like your steak cooked?" And then the cook has to keep the steak on the grill longer. But with 55 steaks - HOW IS THAT REALLY HARD since everyone will be either medium rare or medium? I wanted to finagle the Lodge lady on that item - but I was able to get her to get rid of our second option of food - thereby cutting all the plate costs by $10. So basically I save $7 a plate anyway so I felt it was picking a fight. I really just wanted people to be able to drink more booze. :)
I think I am also getting antsy because I am SOOOOOO ready to get away from my job. Not that it is hard, taxing, or anything else for that matter. But the feeling of limbo is not particularly comforting. I am pretty sure i have a job for at least two weeks when I get back and realistically probably a month - so I'm not going to worry about it. But I am glad to get to see people I love and miss and am excited to have a good time.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
My Achilles Heel - Literally
Wow - in the last couple of months, I have had a serious of body ailments. I have this thing with my wrist - unidentified pain is the actual diagnosis after multiple needle injections into my wrist and an MRI and Xray later. And even after the cortisone shot - I still feel there is something wrong. And all I did was hold a clip board.
A week ago some chick didn't like me very much in indoor - so she tripped me after I skinned her with the ball and then as I was falling she proceeded to shoved her forearm into my back and so I went face and shoulder first into the boards and then landed on my left arm fully extended......therefore hyper extending my elbow. it still isn't quite right yet. I can't fully extend it and I can't use it to the full extent yet either. But it is getting better.
Then for the past 2-3 weeks I have been having pain in my left Achilles heel. It is the same one as I tore 3 years ago and it hurts in the same spot I tore it and well it really had me nervous that i was going to tear it again. So I called the doctor and miraculously - because I was getting married and not going to be here for awhile - I got the doctor to come in and see me yesterday on his surgery day. So it turns out I have tendinitis (surprise surprise) in my Achilles. I also have patella tendinitis on my right knee but that should heal up with me laying off activity.
Back to the Achilles. SO the doctor wants to do surgery. He basically wants to cut a slice off the back of my heel bone, and then make some small lateral incisions in the Achilles tendon to promote some blood vessel growth which will promote circulation and healing. He says my heel one is a bit far back and that is rubbing against my tendon causing added pressure. Not that I am surprised after looking at my heel and someone else's yesterday. Not to mention I always get blisters on the back of my heels when I get new shoes - usually soccer shoes. So while this may not sound yummy to most, Tony and I think it is a good idea. With my Achilles the way they are, the tendinitis will never go away in my opinion and I don't think Tony thinks it will either. We also would prefer to see me do this when I a younger than older and we DON'T want to go through me tearing it again. That was a most unpleasant experience.
He told me to change my shoes to an open back with a heel lift so I have already got myself a few new pair of shoes. :) He does want me to ease up on soccer though. :( Luckily it is an outpatient surgery and I would only be on crutches for about 3-4 days. The time to heel is two weeks and then about 4 weeks of PT before I can jump back into activity. SO it isn't that bad. So we are looking to do this pretty soon after we get back from the wedding - insurance and to just move forward and get this done with.
I don't necessarily like the idea of a doctor removing bone from a particularly important area of my body - but so be it. And he seems to think this is the way to go from looking at the xrays. SO there you have it. I feel like if anything, the time I have had at this job has allowed me to get all my medical things out of the way - and that is a positive thing.
A week ago some chick didn't like me very much in indoor - so she tripped me after I skinned her with the ball and then as I was falling she proceeded to shoved her forearm into my back and so I went face and shoulder first into the boards and then landed on my left arm fully extended......therefore hyper extending my elbow. it still isn't quite right yet. I can't fully extend it and I can't use it to the full extent yet either. But it is getting better.
Then for the past 2-3 weeks I have been having pain in my left Achilles heel. It is the same one as I tore 3 years ago and it hurts in the same spot I tore it and well it really had me nervous that i was going to tear it again. So I called the doctor and miraculously - because I was getting married and not going to be here for awhile - I got the doctor to come in and see me yesterday on his surgery day. So it turns out I have tendinitis (surprise surprise) in my Achilles. I also have patella tendinitis on my right knee but that should heal up with me laying off activity.
Back to the Achilles. SO the doctor wants to do surgery. He basically wants to cut a slice off the back of my heel bone, and then make some small lateral incisions in the Achilles tendon to promote some blood vessel growth which will promote circulation and healing. He says my heel one is a bit far back and that is rubbing against my tendon causing added pressure. Not that I am surprised after looking at my heel and someone else's yesterday. Not to mention I always get blisters on the back of my heels when I get new shoes - usually soccer shoes. So while this may not sound yummy to most, Tony and I think it is a good idea. With my Achilles the way they are, the tendinitis will never go away in my opinion and I don't think Tony thinks it will either. We also would prefer to see me do this when I a younger than older and we DON'T want to go through me tearing it again. That was a most unpleasant experience.
He told me to change my shoes to an open back with a heel lift so I have already got myself a few new pair of shoes. :) He does want me to ease up on soccer though. :( Luckily it is an outpatient surgery and I would only be on crutches for about 3-4 days. The time to heel is two weeks and then about 4 weeks of PT before I can jump back into activity. SO it isn't that bad. So we are looking to do this pretty soon after we get back from the wedding - insurance and to just move forward and get this done with.
I don't necessarily like the idea of a doctor removing bone from a particularly important area of my body - but so be it. And he seems to think this is the way to go from looking at the xrays. SO there you have it. I feel like if anything, the time I have had at this job has allowed me to get all my medical things out of the way - and that is a positive thing.
Monday, May 14, 2007
My job in limbo
So we had an interesting conversation with our boss the other day. My bull sh*t meter was of course going off as I was being told this but my head really felt like it was surrounded in a cloud of confusion. I have noticed in the past when I have this sensation it is because usually someone is a step ahead of me in the game and I am either missing something in the picture or I am collecting all the pieces of the puzzle but they just haven't sorted themselves out yet in my head. SO I took the weekend to mull over what I was told. My bullsh*t meter is now of course blinking over into the red at this point.
Essentially my boss said that they are going to get rid of UI (graphics and marketing) and my boss in order to get rid of the salary. They are also going to get rid of some redudant server connections and technology stuff that we don't really "need" to operate and they are going to move us over into this office next door that we will share with two other people. When I say this I mean, they are moving me and the other girl working on the team to this space which has 4 offices and a conference room. Apparently the big man will be our new boss - in a limited capacity. There was talk of a possible sales person.
SO let's get this straight.
Essentially my boss said that they are going to get rid of UI (graphics and marketing) and my boss in order to get rid of the salary. They are also going to get rid of some redudant server connections and technology stuff that we don't really "need" to operate and they are going to move us over into this office next door that we will share with two other people. When I say this I mean, they are moving me and the other girl working on the team to this space which has 4 offices and a conference room. Apparently the big man will be our new boss - in a limited capacity. There was talk of a possible sales person.
SO let's get this straight.
- We are going to get rid of redudnat technologies
- We will have no marketing/design group to help us with marketing
- We tried the sales thing before and it didn;t work....why are we trying it again?
- We are moving out of sight out of mind essentially
- Our new fearless leader will be wrapped up with the purchase of the new company - and his consulting agreement, and apparently he has a new idea he is working on doing as well........so where is he leading us during all of this?
- We will have no technology development or technical support in the even tof systems failure. Ok we don't now either but that was a recent change.
- There still is no business plan
- My product will still be the red headed step child.
Is it just me or is the writing on the wall??
I really do feel that my boss guilted the ceo into keeping our jobs for a short stint because he felt guilty that I would be getting married and then he was going to cut my job - seeing as it was he that moved me out here. But you know, that is fine - just give me 3 months of severance and let me go collect unemployment. Because I really don't foresee him continuing the product line past August. I mean - seriously.
So as of right now my job is in limbo and because of that I am a bit in limbo. I know exactly what I want to do - but I don't know if I can accomplish it in the timeframe I have. That is the frustrating part. But I guess I will take the next two weeks to see if I can pull something off.
Friday, May 11, 2007
We forgot our anniversary - oopies
So last Sunday was Tony and I's three year anniversary. In the midst of all this hub bub - we both forgot. In fact, it wasn't until Momma Lori asked me the other day how long we had been together that I did the quick math and realized - oh we are in May. In fact we are just past our 3 year date! Oh boy - let's hope we don't forget our REAL anniversary moving forward. I don't think Tony has even thought of it yet. And the worst part is - I KEEP FORGETTING to tell him! I am sure he will have a little chuckle and say something witty in the end when I do get around to telling him.
I am sooo ready to get out of this place for a few days. It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside and has been for a week and I have some spring fever. Breck apparently got snow a few weeks ago and I guess now it is in a 10 day rain storm. I do have to say - we may need to get a few umbrellas - cause I'm not sure I am happy getting married in the reception room. I can handle the elements of weather - so can Tony. Maybe everyone could watch from inside if that is the case. But hopefully it is just raining now so it won't rain later......yeah that's what I keep telling myself............
I am sooo ready to get out of this place for a few days. It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside and has been for a week and I have some spring fever. Breck apparently got snow a few weeks ago and I guess now it is in a 10 day rain storm. I do have to say - we may need to get a few umbrellas - cause I'm not sure I am happy getting married in the reception room. I can handle the elements of weather - so can Tony. Maybe everyone could watch from inside if that is the case. But hopefully it is just raining now so it won't rain later......yeah that's what I keep telling myself............
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
The Paranoia Onset
I found an ever increasing onset of paranoia has hit me over the past 2 months.
I find myself in this mode of emailing or calling and if some people don't respond (even if I didn't ask a question) I start worrying that I did or said something to offend them. I get paranoid that I'm that bride whose bridesmaids and friends all hate her - although I only have evidence to the contrary. I find myself thinking the world is out to get me - althoug I know that isn't true. I find myself thinking i am supposed to be doing more than I am - although most people would probably like to give me a valium.
I find difficulty focusing. And yet I am going a million miles a minute most likely. I find myself starting to forget to do a menial task several times a week. I'm projecting this positive - I'm doing ok image - but I think my body is disagreeing. I find it difficult to eat much too which is a rare thing for me.
I keep telling myself - you are in charge of your destiny! And then I question if I am doing enough to ensure that or if I am focusing my priorities in the wrong places. Am I doing what I want in exchange for what I should be doing? I don't know. I know I am doing what my gut and my heart want, but my head sometimes tries to pull me in the other direction - the safer way. I'm not usually a risk taker and yet I feel like I am taking some risks when I don't have a safety blanket to do so. But then I hear the echoes of many great entrepreneurs and their stories of how - they were on their last dine, or they were eating mac and cheese for weeks when they finally saw the light and stuck to their guns and it worked for them. Google started out of a garage. Look at ebay. Martha Stewart was a housewife. Oprah was fat and unattractive and a B list actress. The Donald has been in the throes of losing it all. Jewell was homelss and playing guitar on the streets of LA. And there are countless other stories. Stories where no one believed and yet they pulled through. I guess the difference with me is I don't have anyone telling me they don't believe (at least not to my face). I actually have a lot of emotional support.
I know people are worried - hell I am worried. I believe in fate. I believe in myself. And i believe something is going to fall into place as it should - although I am not quite sure what, when or why I believe this. I have always believed in fate and yet I have always been a worrier not a believer. This time I believe more than I am worried. WHy? I'm not quite sure. I do know you have to make yoru destiny - and i am trying hard to do that. I know there are other things that I could be doing to increase my chances - but I feel those are gambles I am not sure I am prepared to take. They have consequences I don't know if I am smart enough to really understand yet. Maybe I should believe more in myself. But I guess I feel like there are too many balls above my head to figure it out right now. And yet I feel like that is just an excuse. But I do feel the goddess emerging. I do feel the strength within me.
This too shall pass............
I find myself in this mode of emailing or calling and if some people don't respond (even if I didn't ask a question) I start worrying that I did or said something to offend them. I get paranoid that I'm that bride whose bridesmaids and friends all hate her - although I only have evidence to the contrary. I find myself thinking the world is out to get me - althoug I know that isn't true. I find myself thinking i am supposed to be doing more than I am - although most people would probably like to give me a valium.
I find difficulty focusing. And yet I am going a million miles a minute most likely. I find myself starting to forget to do a menial task several times a week. I'm projecting this positive - I'm doing ok image - but I think my body is disagreeing. I find it difficult to eat much too which is a rare thing for me.
I keep telling myself - you are in charge of your destiny! And then I question if I am doing enough to ensure that or if I am focusing my priorities in the wrong places. Am I doing what I want in exchange for what I should be doing? I don't know. I know I am doing what my gut and my heart want, but my head sometimes tries to pull me in the other direction - the safer way. I'm not usually a risk taker and yet I feel like I am taking some risks when I don't have a safety blanket to do so. But then I hear the echoes of many great entrepreneurs and their stories of how - they were on their last dine, or they were eating mac and cheese for weeks when they finally saw the light and stuck to their guns and it worked for them. Google started out of a garage. Look at ebay. Martha Stewart was a housewife. Oprah was fat and unattractive and a B list actress. The Donald has been in the throes of losing it all. Jewell was homelss and playing guitar on the streets of LA. And there are countless other stories. Stories where no one believed and yet they pulled through. I guess the difference with me is I don't have anyone telling me they don't believe (at least not to my face). I actually have a lot of emotional support.
I know people are worried - hell I am worried. I believe in fate. I believe in myself. And i believe something is going to fall into place as it should - although I am not quite sure what, when or why I believe this. I have always believed in fate and yet I have always been a worrier not a believer. This time I believe more than I am worried. WHy? I'm not quite sure. I do know you have to make yoru destiny - and i am trying hard to do that. I know there are other things that I could be doing to increase my chances - but I feel those are gambles I am not sure I am prepared to take. They have consequences I don't know if I am smart enough to really understand yet. Maybe I should believe more in myself. But I guess I feel like there are too many balls above my head to figure it out right now. And yet I feel like that is just an excuse. But I do feel the goddess emerging. I do feel the strength within me.
This too shall pass............
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I've hit the I'm so tired but I can't sleep phase
I have now entered the remaining 3 weeks before the wedding. But really - two weeks before I leave for the wedding! I am so glad I have done so much up to this point. Really I have some fianlizign to do but it is all coming together. I think I have one more set of things to purchase - but i can do that today. Actually I probably SHOULD do that today!!!
People keep asking - are you excited? no not yet. I will be excited though when I get in my car with Tony and drive away from here! :) At that point I can leave the whatever job behind. At that point the only possible thing left to do for the wedding might be the actual play by play bit - but I will have about 24 hours in a car to figure that out. LOL The wedding thing will become more of a reality than it has been too! And I will get to know I am on vacation - ok well it isn't really a vacation more like a work timeout but you get my drift. And I am really excited for the events of Saturday. I am excited to see my friends and family. I am excited to have a party. I love parties! I LOVE surprises! I love good food. And I get to have a girls night out - have only had a few of those since living in Washington. I know that once the Saturday begins - I should be having a good time and excited for the upcoming events.
However, the job thing has yet to really materialize so here I am dealing with some stress. I'm in a 'business as usal mode' while everyone else is in a 'holding pattern but good opportunities coming their way' mode. It's a little frustrating. We arne't doing any marketing - yet we are supposed to cross our little piggies and hope for an investor to come in and save the day.
There are a couple other little drama points - we won't bother with those here but as a result - I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO tired at night and yet I just can't fall asleep. My brain just won't shut off even though it is telling me - JUST PASS OUT WOMAN!!!!
I keep thinking of the job thing, I think of Tony's dying aunt, I think of the wedding, I think about our soccer team, I think about how I really don't like that stupid job and how can I get CSS off the ground faster. Then I think about my back hurting. Then fluffy bunny jumps on the bed and starts kneading me.
I drink Chai Tea Lattes now faithfully in the morning. Even now I want to go back home for a nap!Hmmmm, my boss is out of the office............
SO here I am - no matter if I have played soccer that night - actually makes my sleeping worse - I find myself up for hours after I play. I'm tired, trying to be cheerful and positive and push through the walls that I find are sort of growing up around me. I feel like I have this uphill battle that I know if I can just get to the top fo the rock - I can see the beautiful valleys and voila - I will be good to go. But until then, it is uphill. I've only cried once through this whole job thing which is good - and sort of unlike me.
I guess I am just determined through all this....I'm not going to let the b@stards get me down. I will persevere. I am strong, I can conquer all. Ok well that was the lack of sleep talking.
Until then I'm going to read about Drew Barrymore in my People.
People keep asking - are you excited? no not yet. I will be excited though when I get in my car with Tony and drive away from here! :) At that point I can leave the whatever job behind. At that point the only possible thing left to do for the wedding might be the actual play by play bit - but I will have about 24 hours in a car to figure that out. LOL The wedding thing will become more of a reality than it has been too! And I will get to know I am on vacation - ok well it isn't really a vacation more like a work timeout but you get my drift. And I am really excited for the events of Saturday. I am excited to see my friends and family. I am excited to have a party. I love parties! I LOVE surprises! I love good food. And I get to have a girls night out - have only had a few of those since living in Washington. I know that once the Saturday begins - I should be having a good time and excited for the upcoming events.
However, the job thing has yet to really materialize so here I am dealing with some stress. I'm in a 'business as usal mode' while everyone else is in a 'holding pattern but good opportunities coming their way' mode. It's a little frustrating. We arne't doing any marketing - yet we are supposed to cross our little piggies and hope for an investor to come in and save the day.
There are a couple other little drama points - we won't bother with those here but as a result - I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO tired at night and yet I just can't fall asleep. My brain just won't shut off even though it is telling me - JUST PASS OUT WOMAN!!!!
I keep thinking of the job thing, I think of Tony's dying aunt, I think of the wedding, I think about our soccer team, I think about how I really don't like that stupid job and how can I get CSS off the ground faster. Then I think about my back hurting. Then fluffy bunny jumps on the bed and starts kneading me.
I drink Chai Tea Lattes now faithfully in the morning. Even now I want to go back home for a nap!Hmmmm, my boss is out of the office............
SO here I am - no matter if I have played soccer that night - actually makes my sleeping worse - I find myself up for hours after I play. I'm tired, trying to be cheerful and positive and push through the walls that I find are sort of growing up around me. I feel like I have this uphill battle that I know if I can just get to the top fo the rock - I can see the beautiful valleys and voila - I will be good to go. But until then, it is uphill. I've only cried once through this whole job thing which is good - and sort of unlike me.
I guess I am just determined through all this....I'm not going to let the b@stards get me down. I will persevere. I am strong, I can conquer all. Ok well that was the lack of sleep talking.
Until then I'm going to read about Drew Barrymore in my People.
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