ohhh Michael Bradley
Friday, July 13, 2007
Can you say mmmmmm
Yes i know he is younger - but some good eye candy nonetheless.....appealing to my soccer guy side. And he scored the game winner against Uruguay the other night to lead the US U20's to the quaterfinal's of the World Cup.
ohhh Michael Bradley
ohhh Michael Bradley
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
The Last 24 hrs
Last night I thought my issues were confined to Tuesday. That was until I walked in to work this AM.
My Tuesday -
It started off on a positive note. We were sending out the CSS email to a targeted list of 1000 people who had kids who were seniors this year. While our open rate was almost 20% and the click through rate was about 10%, we didn't get anyone to bite. But that does not mean the small campaign was not successful. To begin with, the open and click through rate was leaps and bounds better than average. One typically has a 1-3% click through rate so we were above that curve. And realistically, the first few times you start marketing - you usually don't get good responses - all about that power of branding. I don't feel bad nobody bit yet either since the web site needs to be redone - thank you Rob for helping a sis out! - and will be fixed by months end. As well as we are sure many people went home to consult with significant others and their kids. So we shall see if anyone bites over the next week. But I am still a little bummed.
Next came my interview with Microsoft. Yes I had an interview with them after passing a phone interview really well. The problem was I was interviewing with a woman (not always a good sign for me) and not the manager I had on the phone. To begin with - I am NOT a good interviewing candidate. My personality is just too much for a lot of people and as a result it really helps me NOT pass interviews with flying colors. I can't help that I have a lot of energy and am confident and "brutally honest" about things. At the same time it is very frustrating when you know you are ok with yourself and others are not. I hear people tell me that when they first meet me I was so not what they expected and when they tell me this the sad part is.......it's like they liked me better over the phone. The weird part for me is - if I lived in the NE, I wouldn't even be discussing this topic. I would fit in. But it is too cold there. :) So I know I did great on about half the interview - but I think I bombed the other half. You know, where they ask you about all of your shortcomings and how you overcame them and all the difficult people and situations you have ever worked with in your life. Yeah, not a strong suit. not because I don't overcome them - but well anyone who knows me can figure out where I am going with this. And there were a lot of those questions by the way.
The cool thing I noticed about MS however was that everyone has an office. Getting to the campus and navigating was easy enough, but once you were inside the building - it was like a maze of winding corridors that went all over the place and you needed a map to maneuver through. In the end, the fact I got to have an interview with MS was pretty exciting and neat and the job would be totally fine to do - but I don't know I got past this girl - which by the way was a pretty girl about my age and dressed up more for the interview than I even though people were wearing shorts all over campus on a 91 degree weather day in Seattle - which is hot for here BTW. So we shall see. I got another email from this Farmer's insurance guy saying my resume had once again passed his desk and to call him blah blah blah. I don't know. Insurance? me? Appeals in a certain way and doesn't in another. I think i should call the guy though - they say their agents make bank even in the first year and they provide office space and advertising.
So then bummed off my interview, my aunt decides to stop by and that was compounded by a change in certain hormone pills that were done in the last month which by the way resulted in a couple of boils on my face. Now let me tell you something - I have had acne since I was 10. I still have it. I do not feel I should be plagued by this issue at the age of 30, and I don't feel that I should have to take medication to be unplagued by it. And when my children unfortunately inherit this awful problem from me - I will do anything and everything I can to make their suffering and teasing be minimal. I hate it that bad. I hate it so much that the fact i have never had actual boils - FREAKED ME OUT. So needless to say my poor husband got the short end of the stick. Luckily he is a great guy and we worked through my shortcomings over the next couple of hours.
So then there is today......
Well I come in to work....at my job I love so dearly *sarcasm dripping*.....and well we sent out our monthly minimum fee invoice to about 1000 people last night and I have about 100 pissed off emails from customers and another 13 messages. So we get to address all these lovely people soon. I am sure it will bring more hate mail. Apparently one guy has already told us he will spend $5K to his lawyer to sue us for the $25.....yeah cause that makes sense.........so I get to deal with more negative vibes and more people canceling their accounts. People the Titanic is sinking and there is only one life boat left. And while I can swim, right now I feel like I am in the Bering Sea..........
Stay tuned......
My Tuesday -
It started off on a positive note. We were sending out the CSS email to a targeted list of 1000 people who had kids who were seniors this year. While our open rate was almost 20% and the click through rate was about 10%, we didn't get anyone to bite. But that does not mean the small campaign was not successful. To begin with, the open and click through rate was leaps and bounds better than average. One typically has a 1-3% click through rate so we were above that curve. And realistically, the first few times you start marketing - you usually don't get good responses - all about that power of branding. I don't feel bad nobody bit yet either since the web site needs to be redone - thank you Rob for helping a sis out! - and will be fixed by months end. As well as we are sure many people went home to consult with significant others and their kids. So we shall see if anyone bites over the next week. But I am still a little bummed.
Next came my interview with Microsoft. Yes I had an interview with them after passing a phone interview really well. The problem was I was interviewing with a woman (not always a good sign for me) and not the manager I had on the phone. To begin with - I am NOT a good interviewing candidate. My personality is just too much for a lot of people and as a result it really helps me NOT pass interviews with flying colors. I can't help that I have a lot of energy and am confident and "brutally honest" about things. At the same time it is very frustrating when you know you are ok with yourself and others are not. I hear people tell me that when they first meet me I was so not what they expected and when they tell me this the sad part is.......it's like they liked me better over the phone. The weird part for me is - if I lived in the NE, I wouldn't even be discussing this topic. I would fit in. But it is too cold there. :) So I know I did great on about half the interview - but I think I bombed the other half. You know, where they ask you about all of your shortcomings and how you overcame them and all the difficult people and situations you have ever worked with in your life. Yeah, not a strong suit. not because I don't overcome them - but well anyone who knows me can figure out where I am going with this. And there were a lot of those questions by the way.
The cool thing I noticed about MS however was that everyone has an office. Getting to the campus and navigating was easy enough, but once you were inside the building - it was like a maze of winding corridors that went all over the place and you needed a map to maneuver through. In the end, the fact I got to have an interview with MS was pretty exciting and neat and the job would be totally fine to do - but I don't know I got past this girl - which by the way was a pretty girl about my age and dressed up more for the interview than I even though people were wearing shorts all over campus on a 91 degree weather day in Seattle - which is hot for here BTW. So we shall see. I got another email from this Farmer's insurance guy saying my resume had once again passed his desk and to call him blah blah blah. I don't know. Insurance? me? Appeals in a certain way and doesn't in another. I think i should call the guy though - they say their agents make bank even in the first year and they provide office space and advertising.
So then bummed off my interview, my aunt decides to stop by and that was compounded by a change in certain hormone pills that were done in the last month which by the way resulted in a couple of boils on my face. Now let me tell you something - I have had acne since I was 10. I still have it. I do not feel I should be plagued by this issue at the age of 30, and I don't feel that I should have to take medication to be unplagued by it. And when my children unfortunately inherit this awful problem from me - I will do anything and everything I can to make their suffering and teasing be minimal. I hate it that bad. I hate it so much that the fact i have never had actual boils - FREAKED ME OUT. So needless to say my poor husband got the short end of the stick. Luckily he is a great guy and we worked through my shortcomings over the next couple of hours.
So then there is today......
Well I come in to work....at my job I love so dearly *sarcasm dripping*.....and well we sent out our monthly minimum fee invoice to about 1000 people last night and I have about 100 pissed off emails from customers and another 13 messages. So we get to address all these lovely people soon. I am sure it will bring more hate mail. Apparently one guy has already told us he will spend $5K to his lawyer to sue us for the $25.....yeah cause that makes sense.........so I get to deal with more negative vibes and more people canceling their accounts. People the Titanic is sinking and there is only one life boat left. And while I can swim, right now I feel like I am in the Bering Sea..........
Stay tuned......
Monday, July 02, 2007
Friday, June 29, 2007
Web Site Gone Wonky
So the good news of the day is that we got our 2nd customer!!!! SO we are now averaging one per month since the redesign of our business plan and web site on the limited advertising $$ we are using. However this is positive - it means a couple people are buying in to our concept.
The crazy thing is the visitor tallies. See graph for what I am talking about.
I knwo it is a little difficult to see, but the green and red on the bottom are the page views and the uniques vistors. The crazy spikes are repeat visitors (apparently). They range from in the 600's to the mid 100's. I don't get how that is but whatever.
Essentially I have 3 components left that I need to resolve in order to get to where I believe we will be accepted by a greater audience and have a higher return rate.
1. Better web site design - which my big brother is graciously helping me get to! Thanks Bro!
2. Online database and player profile management - which is the next step for me to do but I had some help with a developer and I think I am pointed in the right direction to getting that done....only issue is money - but I might be able to make it work.
3. Advertising money - this is actually the easiest. I have several ways to go about advertising and the first and cheapest will probably be email marketing lists to my target audience. I can get them for about $100 per 1000 and with a 1% expected return rate, that can get me the residual advertising $$$ needed to grow the business.
I'm close.......please send more positive karma our way so this will see the potential we need it to.
The crazy thing is the visitor tallies. See graph for what I am talking about.
I knwo it is a little difficult to see, but the green and red on the bottom are the page views and the uniques vistors. The crazy spikes are repeat visitors (apparently). They range from in the 600's to the mid 100's. I don't get how that is but whatever.
Essentially I have 3 components left that I need to resolve in order to get to where I believe we will be accepted by a greater audience and have a higher return rate.
1. Better web site design - which my big brother is graciously helping me get to! Thanks Bro!
2. Online database and player profile management - which is the next step for me to do but I had some help with a developer and I think I am pointed in the right direction to getting that done....only issue is money - but I might be able to make it work.
3. Advertising money - this is actually the easiest. I have several ways to go about advertising and the first and cheapest will probably be email marketing lists to my target audience. I can get them for about $100 per 1000 and with a 1% expected return rate, that can get me the residual advertising $$$ needed to grow the business.
I'm close.......please send more positive karma our way so this will see the potential we need it to.
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Yahoo Blunders! I am Standing on my Soapbox
So about a month ago Yahoo was doing a contest for small business owners that basically had us write in:
1. What our business was about,
2. What does our business need to be successful,
3. How can Yahoo make that a reality.
The prize was $25K in search mktg and a few other perks like meeting Ivanka trump and having an executive sponsor for a year. You also got some web site development and I think there was a small kitty of cash.
So I of course entered. Well.........I looked the other day after realizing I was probably not one of 5 finalists and what did I see? A BUNCH OF CRAP!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT ROBBED!!!!!! Of the 5 finalists - only one even had an interesting concept!!! AND it is clear that the rest of the world agreed with me because of how many votes the ONE guy got and how FEW the other schmucks got. And the contest is supposed to have 3 winners of the 5. So let's evaluate the losers that bypassed me:
1. Crooked Houses - the only good concept and he will win. Basically he makes customized easy to assemble playhouses that look like cartoon buildings - you know the slanted houses. I would even buy one if I had a kid. Go to his web site at www.crookedhouses.com (I think)
2. Willy Wonka - well that is basically what he is. He is a candy distributor. Now help me out here. The contest was to help people who NEEDED free marketing money to help make their business grow. yet this sap has like 5 full time employees and a freaking warehouse of candy - how the hell does he NEED extra money - he clearly is doing well enough already - oh and he has been in business for over 10 years. He was pretty whacked out like Gene Wilder in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as well.
3. The Fairy Lady - OMG - have we reverted back to the 70's???? So this hippie chick makes customized fairies and fairy dresses and anything fairy wise. Don't get me wrong - her fairy stuff looks nice, but way specific AND there is a bigger problem with her concept. it is not easily scalable because it is she who makes all the fairies and it isn't something you can just hire more admin people to come in and do - which means that if she gets slammed - oh well everyone will be on back order until next year Christmas. Seriously people - is anyone having a fairy fetish???
4. Moms On Edge - RIPOFF Artists. So they have a couple of kids and watched Supernanny a couple times. Big freaking whoop. These two ladies first of all look like Stay Home moms whose husbands are doing well enough they don't have to work and secondly, they basically just hand make the Supernanny style things like a portable naughty spot and some bath blocks that are supposed to be smart blocks or something. Now, I have a friend who has a kid and last I checked, Baby Einstein has a whole line of intelligence for your kid stuff. So ...........I just don't get it, other than they are clearly trying to appeal to a demographic of moms and young kids. BOOOOO!
5. The over the top sony play station keyboard. Ok well it isn't a sony play station control - it just looks like one on steroids. But it is a keyboard that allows you to be walking on your treadmill and type at your computer.......yeah cause when i am working out, that's what I want to do - type on my keyboard. Oh and no....it is not wireless btw. Not yet - but NASA wants one when it is. People - if you thought carpal tunnel was out of hand before - wait til you see this contraption.
So one of my big soapboxes is the fact that MY business actually HELPS people. It helps people continue their education!!!!! I guess maybe I had "too noble" of a concept for them and it wasn't weird and cool enough. But that wasn't the point of the contest. I cannot believe that I got lower on the totem pole than these people. How did this happen other than the Yahoo committee being completely inept at their jobs and identifying good business concepts??? I was sooo pissed off, I had started writing my letter to Yahoo telling them how inept they are. I even had the executive I was going to send it to. But I calmed down about 72 hours later and instead decided to bitch here. :) How nice of me. I also accidentally voted for the crap moms one when I meant to click on the video for them and didn't want to be called on it by Yahoo if they looked into my account - but that's between you and me. :)
Ok .....I feel better now.
1. What our business was about,
2. What does our business need to be successful,
3. How can Yahoo make that a reality.
The prize was $25K in search mktg and a few other perks like meeting Ivanka trump and having an executive sponsor for a year. You also got some web site development and I think there was a small kitty of cash.
So I of course entered. Well.........I looked the other day after realizing I was probably not one of 5 finalists and what did I see? A BUNCH OF CRAP!!!!!!!!!!! I GOT ROBBED!!!!!! Of the 5 finalists - only one even had an interesting concept!!! AND it is clear that the rest of the world agreed with me because of how many votes the ONE guy got and how FEW the other schmucks got. And the contest is supposed to have 3 winners of the 5. So let's evaluate the losers that bypassed me:
1. Crooked Houses - the only good concept and he will win. Basically he makes customized easy to assemble playhouses that look like cartoon buildings - you know the slanted houses. I would even buy one if I had a kid. Go to his web site at www.crookedhouses.com (I think)
2. Willy Wonka - well that is basically what he is. He is a candy distributor. Now help me out here. The contest was to help people who NEEDED free marketing money to help make their business grow. yet this sap has like 5 full time employees and a freaking warehouse of candy - how the hell does he NEED extra money - he clearly is doing well enough already - oh and he has been in business for over 10 years. He was pretty whacked out like Gene Wilder in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory as well.
3. The Fairy Lady - OMG - have we reverted back to the 70's???? So this hippie chick makes customized fairies and fairy dresses and anything fairy wise. Don't get me wrong - her fairy stuff looks nice, but way specific AND there is a bigger problem with her concept. it is not easily scalable because it is she who makes all the fairies and it isn't something you can just hire more admin people to come in and do - which means that if she gets slammed - oh well everyone will be on back order until next year Christmas. Seriously people - is anyone having a fairy fetish???
4. Moms On Edge - RIPOFF Artists. So they have a couple of kids and watched Supernanny a couple times. Big freaking whoop. These two ladies first of all look like Stay Home moms whose husbands are doing well enough they don't have to work and secondly, they basically just hand make the Supernanny style things like a portable naughty spot and some bath blocks that are supposed to be smart blocks or something. Now, I have a friend who has a kid and last I checked, Baby Einstein has a whole line of intelligence for your kid stuff. So ...........I just don't get it, other than they are clearly trying to appeal to a demographic of moms and young kids. BOOOOO!
5. The over the top sony play station keyboard. Ok well it isn't a sony play station control - it just looks like one on steroids. But it is a keyboard that allows you to be walking on your treadmill and type at your computer.......yeah cause when i am working out, that's what I want to do - type on my keyboard. Oh and no....it is not wireless btw. Not yet - but NASA wants one when it is. People - if you thought carpal tunnel was out of hand before - wait til you see this contraption.
So one of my big soapboxes is the fact that MY business actually HELPS people. It helps people continue their education!!!!! I guess maybe I had "too noble" of a concept for them and it wasn't weird and cool enough. But that wasn't the point of the contest. I cannot believe that I got lower on the totem pole than these people. How did this happen other than the Yahoo committee being completely inept at their jobs and identifying good business concepts??? I was sooo pissed off, I had started writing my letter to Yahoo telling them how inept they are. I even had the executive I was going to send it to. But I calmed down about 72 hours later and instead decided to bitch here. :) How nice of me. I also accidentally voted for the crap moms one when I meant to click on the video for them and didn't want to be called on it by Yahoo if they looked into my account - but that's between you and me. :)
Ok .....I feel better now.
Saturday, June 16, 2007
I have a nephew!!!
My sister in law gave birth this AM to a beautiful baby boy named Gavin. Mom and baby are doing well and I am an Auntie again!! No pics yet.
Thursday, June 14, 2007
Groundhog day 880......
OMG
That really sums it up for me.
My job is the craziest thing. Really - it isn't crazy at all - it's just a mind warp. 2 and a half years ago i was lured to Seattle with a lots of money and stock options with the guise of an IPO happening.....oh about right now. So 3 months after I get heere the CEO decides he isn't going to spin the company off like he told me. So I wass like - well what about those options - those will just convert to options in the company I work for right? Well....he waffled.....the amount of those options don't compare and a year later he gives me a set of options NOT comparable to what I was originaly given. I mean people, one of thee reasons Tony and I moved here was because I thought I would be sitting on about $250K in stock right now. I mean, who turns down that kind of opportunity??? So for the last 2 years I have hated my job for many reasons. A few of which are:
- The boss doesn't give us or our product the time of day.Literarly.
- Everytime I come up with good ideas and present them....I am shot down....only to hear months or years later the same ideas out of other people or my boss.
- All the efforts to move forward with things have been underminded and people have been told to not listen to me.
- When I am being "real" and protecting the interests of the company by pointing out problem areass......I am being too negative.
- I have been cut out of meetings.
- If you loiter "too long" having a conversation with someone and one of a few managers see, you get the evil eye.
- I love having an office because there is no commotion in the office and you feel like you are in a tomb. Even the walls are thin...but they are better than in the cubes.
But hey....we have FREE drinks!!! LOL
So today we had a sit down with the big man - the one who hasn't given us the time of day for 5 years. And he basically wants to move forward by going backward 5 years later. I mean dude....the first thing you do is a business plan - where the hell was it 5 years ago? It amazes me how he can circle talk people into believing other people (of course no longer workign there) are the reason for the problems and where we are at today. Keep telling yourself that buddy! I mean he hasn't even sat down in 5 years and done a product review. But now he wants to do a business plan. He also wants to turn us into sales people and was talking about commissions and incentives and blah blah blah.....so then that had us thinking.....wait a minute, does that mean he is going to cut our salaries???????
Oh nelly. I just shake my head in a cloud of bewilderment. So as is I have now submitted my resume to Volt - who handles Microsfot staffing. I submitted my resume to a different Volt offices with a recruiter that I know. I have also submitted my resume to Microsfot directly for 13 different positions all in my realm. I don't care if someone laughs at me at the other end, maybe it will make them bring me in just to see who this character is. i want them to know I want to work there dammit. I am trying to jump off the cliff but I need someone to give me my parachute. I have lots of people tell me they think I am smart and I will be fine and such. And that gives me hope. But I don't interview well and I have difficulty getting to an interview stage as well. Not good combinations. I told Tony of all my employers once I work for them want me to stay or come back. I don't ever have that problem, it's just getting in the door for me. I guess part of it is I have a pretty strong aura - even when I try to tone it down I have a strong aura. I can't help it, that's me. But I do need someone to believe in me....someone that can offer me a job that is.
Please think lots of posititve juju my way.
~A
That really sums it up for me.
My job is the craziest thing. Really - it isn't crazy at all - it's just a mind warp. 2 and a half years ago i was lured to Seattle with a lots of money and stock options with the guise of an IPO happening.....oh about right now. So 3 months after I get heere the CEO decides he isn't going to spin the company off like he told me. So I wass like - well what about those options - those will just convert to options in the company I work for right? Well....he waffled.....the amount of those options don't compare and a year later he gives me a set of options NOT comparable to what I was originaly given. I mean people, one of thee reasons Tony and I moved here was because I thought I would be sitting on about $250K in stock right now. I mean, who turns down that kind of opportunity??? So for the last 2 years I have hated my job for many reasons. A few of which are:
- The boss doesn't give us or our product the time of day.Literarly.
- Everytime I come up with good ideas and present them....I am shot down....only to hear months or years later the same ideas out of other people or my boss.
- All the efforts to move forward with things have been underminded and people have been told to not listen to me.
- When I am being "real" and protecting the interests of the company by pointing out problem areass......I am being too negative.
- I have been cut out of meetings.
- If you loiter "too long" having a conversation with someone and one of a few managers see, you get the evil eye.
- I love having an office because there is no commotion in the office and you feel like you are in a tomb. Even the walls are thin...but they are better than in the cubes.
But hey....we have FREE drinks!!! LOL
So today we had a sit down with the big man - the one who hasn't given us the time of day for 5 years. And he basically wants to move forward by going backward 5 years later. I mean dude....the first thing you do is a business plan - where the hell was it 5 years ago? It amazes me how he can circle talk people into believing other people (of course no longer workign there) are the reason for the problems and where we are at today. Keep telling yourself that buddy! I mean he hasn't even sat down in 5 years and done a product review. But now he wants to do a business plan. He also wants to turn us into sales people and was talking about commissions and incentives and blah blah blah.....so then that had us thinking.....wait a minute, does that mean he is going to cut our salaries???????
Oh nelly. I just shake my head in a cloud of bewilderment. So as is I have now submitted my resume to Volt - who handles Microsfot staffing. I submitted my resume to a different Volt offices with a recruiter that I know. I have also submitted my resume to Microsfot directly for 13 different positions all in my realm. I don't care if someone laughs at me at the other end, maybe it will make them bring me in just to see who this character is. i want them to know I want to work there dammit. I am trying to jump off the cliff but I need someone to give me my parachute. I have lots of people tell me they think I am smart and I will be fine and such. And that gives me hope. But I don't interview well and I have difficulty getting to an interview stage as well. Not good combinations. I told Tony of all my employers once I work for them want me to stay or come back. I don't ever have that problem, it's just getting in the door for me. I guess part of it is I have a pretty strong aura - even when I try to tone it down I have a strong aura. I can't help it, that's me. But I do need someone to believe in me....someone that can offer me a job that is.
Please think lots of posititve juju my way.
~A
Tuesday, June 12, 2007
This really was a highlight of my day........
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO - Hope you rot in jail Princess!!!!!!
Friday, June 08, 2007
My Surgery
Well the good news is that my surgery seemed to be a good thing and when the doctor looked at my achilles and heel he saw the achilles was attached to the scar tissue which was attached to the bone - so he separated that. Apparently there was also a sharp jagged edge on my heel which he believes was also part of the problem so he removed that - along with a chunk of my heel bone. Apparently the docot r was so far happy with the results. He made a few lateral incisions in my achilles and cleaned out my achlles a little bit too and saw some blood which is good because it meant blood vessels were already active. I guess from the conversation Tony had with the doctor he asked if we should do this to the right one. As of right now I haven't ever had the tendonitis in my right one like the left one so I'm not so sure it will be necessary.
I am supposed to start doing some weight bearign on it but it makes me a little nervous to do so. So as a result I am really just hanging out and using my crutches. :) But all in all everything is good and TOny is being a great husband! He always is when I have a problem though. He did say that this time because people knew he was my husband that everyone was willing to talk to him vs when I had the appendectomy. Interesting little things of when you get married I guess.
I am supposed to start doing some weight bearign on it but it makes me a little nervous to do so. So as a result I am really just hanging out and using my crutches. :) But all in all everything is good and TOny is being a great husband! He always is when I have a problem though. He did say that this time because people knew he was my husband that everyone was willing to talk to him vs when I had the appendectomy. Interesting little things of when you get married I guess.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
The DL.....that's The Down Load
Goodness gracious! A lot has happened in the past few weeks. We began our adventure by making sure the house was clean - cause I like to come home to a clean house. The fluffy bunnies had 2 litter boxes a piece and 2 feeder systems to make sure they could get by. All the doors were shut and propped open to ensure no kitties got locked behind anything (I did that once and Bagheera was stuck in a bathroom for 7 days - I felt like the worst mom).
Our drive to Colorado was easy - no weather except for some wind in various places. Beautiful sky and the cops weren't interested in us. :) Actually we went long stretches without seeing some. It was so great to see family and friends. The bridal shower was a good time and great snacky food. I had a lot of people there which made me feel loved. We had two little kids there and they both were amazingly well behaved. Tony was quite the hit with our niece Renya and she even popped off a "Tony" before he left. He's going to be a really good dad. It gave Angie and Rob a small breather of knowing she was ok and they could chat a little bit. We of course found them at one time in the bathroom with buckets and running water saying"buckets & splash". LOL I thinkt he cleanup was 4 towels all soaking up the water on the bathroom floor - LOL.
My bachelorette party - night on the college town of Ft Collins was fun. Me and 3 girls. I definitely was having quite the girl rowdy night for sure since I don't remember the last time I had a full out one of those. One of the bars we went to was called the drunken monkey and the bar stools were actually swings. The kind that you see in the country where it is a flat plank of wood with ropes on the sides going up into a tree. There were a few pictures from that! We got home (to the hotel) and I made good on my promise not to snuggle Staci! LOL
As we were almost to the Lodge we got diverted - and lost many a time - around an accident that apparently involved a rolloever, 3 ejections and a bike rider. We were able to see the wreckage from the Lodge and found out that it did NOT involve anyone inour wedding Party thank goodness and we are pretty sure no one died. I was hoping that would not be a sign of things to come. Luckily it was not. The groom's dinner came and the ambiance was nice and it appeared everyone had a good time. I had one meltdown the night of the wedding - but that was addressed and a resolution to my satisfaction has been agreed to as a result of the catalyst of the meltdown. The day of and I was running through all the paces when I realized - oh no Mr Bill, I forgot to coordinate the timing of the pictures with the flower lady. As a result I have pictures with my flowers and pictures without my flowers - so not the end of the world. She apparently got a speeding ticket trying to get to the Lodge as well -oopies.
My hair was perfect, my makeup was perfect and I didn't wake up with a big boil on my face I had been afraid would happen for years. The dress made me feel like a princess and I definitely felt the most beautiful and put together I have ever felt. The pictures so far are turnign out really well and my brother and his wife said the good pictures turned out "freakishly well" - which means they look great if they think that. here is an example of one and it wasn't even one of the ones off the good cameras.
The clouds got dark and the wind kicked in and my wedding was threatening to turn out not how I had hoped. But the wind only stayed for pictures and the sky broke open and it became blue, warm, and perfect for the ceremony. All the people I had hoped would show up that said they might not did. The flower girls were perfectly adorable in their perfect little dresses. Everyone acted how I hoped they would and in the end i couldn't have asked for a more perfect day and event. There were a few small snafu's but in the end it really didn't matter and I tried to just not make a big deal about them. The only thing I had really wished I could have done was mingle with more people during the groom's dinner and the reception. But you get in this whirl wind of you either have to eat or talk and you are doing an activity and then people are leaving and the DJ is trying to get you back on the dance floor and so I didn't get to spend the socializing time with everyone overall that I had wanted to.
But the views were awesome and it looked like everyone had a great time. The meal was good - even though Tony and I had to send ours back! The mashed potatoes were cold. LOL There were a lot of tears and tearing up - but all happy and joyous. I was so glad I got to see Tony before the wedding for pictures cause I think if I didn't - I would have lost it on the walk towards him and when I was looking at him during the ceremony - which I almost did anyway. The minister the day before had told us to hold hands and pass of my bouquet. When I got there I started to do so and she stopped me - no not yet. SO I stood there and after about 5 minutes I just couldn't take it anymore and realized I was about to lose it and sort of whipped back my bouquet to Staci. If words had been said it was probably pretty obvious it was like "Take this quick!" LOL She grabbed it and immediately I grabbed his hands which seemed to calm me. He smiled at me and later said it was clear "we are holding hands now". The 2 2year old flower girls of course did their X factor bit and started runnign around which was totally adorable.
Steamboat was good - went to the hot springs where I fell and bruised my tailbone. I thik I got a slight concusion too but I am fine now. We had our first Moretnson Classic putt putt contest which Mr Mortenson won - but that's ok, I'm going to sharpen my game and have a come back for next year!
We got home safely and the kitties were fine. Now it is back to the grind - but I will write about that later.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
The Symbiotic Cycle of Life
Today a sad event occurred. Tony's great aunt Ethel passed away early this morning. She had been struggling with cancer and in the end, she managed to live through her 92nd birthday. Because of the timing, we will unfortunately be able to attedn her funeral.
As I think about all of this though I realize witht eh passing of an elderly loved one, will come another cycle - a marriage. And within about a week of that we expect to also be blessed by adding a new member to our family with a baby nephew. Quite the trifecta of life cycles to be occurring like this.
Our family is beginning and growing and in a couple years will be expanding ourselves. It seems the moms are getting excited for grandbabies. I guess I am starting to get a little excited for babies. But we have a wedding to go to first!
Spekaing of which, in about 26 hours, we are headed east. East to do our wedding duties and fun parties and events. East to see family and friends who are spending significant money and taking time out of their schedules to be there for Tony and I. It really is appreciated.
Until then - BON VOYAGE! Will see you when I get back!
~A
As I think about all of this though I realize witht eh passing of an elderly loved one, will come another cycle - a marriage. And within about a week of that we expect to also be blessed by adding a new member to our family with a baby nephew. Quite the trifecta of life cycles to be occurring like this.
Our family is beginning and growing and in a couple years will be expanding ourselves. It seems the moms are getting excited for grandbabies. I guess I am starting to get a little excited for babies. But we have a wedding to go to first!
Spekaing of which, in about 26 hours, we are headed east. East to do our wedding duties and fun parties and events. East to see family and friends who are spending significant money and taking time out of their schedules to be there for Tony and I. It really is appreciated.
Until then - BON VOYAGE! Will see you when I get back!
~A
Monday, May 21, 2007
7 days from today I become a Mrs.......
Holy crap Batman. 7 days from today and I will officially be married.
I would say I am no starting to be in full emotional mode. Waves a sweetness and tears when the song we will dance to is on the radio - which I have heard twice today and once yesterday. The tears are of course happy tears - they really are about the fullness of that moment. But I really do hate crying in general. SO I find myself loving the memory and idea dn getting pissed off beause I am crying and it isn't even THE moment yet.
Today I go get waxed. I won't share the Too Much Information bit with you - but it will be a new and interesting experience. Tomorrow we have a couple things to do - mainly laundry and packing and getting the car serviced. But I can tell you this - I am already checked out of work. I'm ready to be gone from here for the day and of course for longer than that but one thing at a time. I am grateful that there are no more things to buy and only one more box is showing up - today of course. :) I am ready for this journey that awaits Tony and I. The timeline is set and the adventures are about ready to start. Tony and I do road trips well together so the idea of being with him in a car for a 24 hour road trip split into two days - actually it is quite fun. We have had many a great talks on those kinds of trips and have been lucky enough not to even need the radio at points for hours on end. We've braved several scary weather moments while on the road and both look at each other after and go - that was close...moving on.
Of all the things I am not afraid of in getting married is being able to weather tough issues while married. I feel Tony and I have already weathered some tough life changing things and have been able to get through them just fine. Our communication is pretty good so we are usually pretty good about talking things through. I definitely don't think I have had cold feet at any point during this process. Now I am 30. If i was younger it might be a different story. But I feel ready and feel I have the right man. SO LET'S DO IT!!!!!!
Leaving in 48 hours from now.............
The Bride
I would say I am no starting to be in full emotional mode. Waves a sweetness and tears when the song we will dance to is on the radio - which I have heard twice today and once yesterday. The tears are of course happy tears - they really are about the fullness of that moment. But I really do hate crying in general. SO I find myself loving the memory and idea dn getting pissed off beause I am crying and it isn't even THE moment yet.
Today I go get waxed. I won't share the Too Much Information bit with you - but it will be a new and interesting experience. Tomorrow we have a couple things to do - mainly laundry and packing and getting the car serviced. But I can tell you this - I am already checked out of work. I'm ready to be gone from here for the day and of course for longer than that but one thing at a time. I am grateful that there are no more things to buy and only one more box is showing up - today of course. :) I am ready for this journey that awaits Tony and I. The timeline is set and the adventures are about ready to start. Tony and I do road trips well together so the idea of being with him in a car for a 24 hour road trip split into two days - actually it is quite fun. We have had many a great talks on those kinds of trips and have been lucky enough not to even need the radio at points for hours on end. We've braved several scary weather moments while on the road and both look at each other after and go - that was close...moving on.
Of all the things I am not afraid of in getting married is being able to weather tough issues while married. I feel Tony and I have already weathered some tough life changing things and have been able to get through them just fine. Our communication is pretty good so we are usually pretty good about talking things through. I definitely don't think I have had cold feet at any point during this process. Now I am 30. If i was younger it might be a different story. But I feel ready and feel I have the right man. SO LET'S DO IT!!!!!!
Leaving in 48 hours from now.............
The Bride
Thursday, May 17, 2007
The Collegiate Soccer Source
SO my good news of the day is..........my soccer business. Well actually Tony and I's soccer business. That in itself has been probably the most visible change in the whole - I'm getting married bit. Everything is now our, us, or we. There is no me, I or mine necessarily anymore. But you know, that is ok too - it's just a change in habit is all. So I should probably restart by saying......
So OUR soccer business :) seems to be trending upward. Well at least by hits to our site. I haven't changed the paltry advertising fee from before - just the advertising message. I find it funny that going from FREE Welcoem Kit to College Soccer Prep Kit (not free) has made MORE people interested. Sometimes it is weird how things work. I think more people must be skeptical of free things than just having to pay for something. LOL
So yesterday we hit an all time high. We had over 100 people hit our web site. Can you believe that????? My jaw fell open as it wasn't but a few days ago that we even had 50 visitors to our web site in a day - and that was also a record. We basically had been fluctuating in the teens and a couple times in the 20's for the past year. No purchases yet but I feel it coming! I definitely feel positive about the increase in traffic.
Keep your fingers crossed and send lots of positive juju our way! If this works out - I can say Bon Voyage to what I am currently doing and any job I might get in the future! I can feel it coming though. Tony told me the other night. He's either going to be laughing at me when we are 60 at all my "predictions" or he's going to be saying"good job!" LOL I hope it is the latter. :)
So OUR soccer business :) seems to be trending upward. Well at least by hits to our site. I haven't changed the paltry advertising fee from before - just the advertising message. I find it funny that going from FREE Welcoem Kit to College Soccer Prep Kit (not free) has made MORE people interested. Sometimes it is weird how things work. I think more people must be skeptical of free things than just having to pay for something. LOL
So yesterday we hit an all time high. We had over 100 people hit our web site. Can you believe that????? My jaw fell open as it wasn't but a few days ago that we even had 50 visitors to our web site in a day - and that was also a record. We basically had been fluctuating in the teens and a couple times in the 20's for the past year. No purchases yet but I feel it coming! I definitely feel positive about the increase in traffic.
Keep your fingers crossed and send lots of positive juju our way! If this works out - I can say Bon Voyage to what I am currently doing and any job I might get in the future! I can feel it coming though. Tony told me the other night. He's either going to be laughing at me when we are 60 at all my "predictions" or he's going to be saying"good job!" LOL I hope it is the latter. :)
Wednesday, May 16, 2007
We leave in a week
WOW!
I can't believe that at this time next week, the car will be getting packed up, we will watch the Champions League Final (cause we are a soccer family :) ) and then we will be hitting the road!!! And in 12 days we will be getting married!
I still have two boxes that have to come in before we can leave however! I have to finish up the slide show still and I have a few other things to do - all minor of course. I haven't even done a run through of my hair yet either! I scheduled the week before we leave apptmts and only have a couple finalizing on the seating arrangements and such.
I find it interesting that people are saying - I'll get to relax soon. I'm not quite sure when that moment is - I have a feeling it will be after we say our I Do's and are doing the receiving line. Cause I don't see how I can relax before that moment. I mean, I don't even know how I want the deck setup for the wedding and won't be able to figure that out until the Rehearsal! I have no idea how to time the music either. How is that relaxing?? The Lodge lady told me my layout of the reception room wouldn't work either because of some kitchen service doors - which I don't remember seeing when I was there but ok. I haven't been able to see where we are doing this event since January, so I am freaking out a little bit. Not that I think I have anything really to freak out about. I mean - the pope isn't showing up. So if something doesn't go right - oh well, I guess that is part of the unique wedding drama right?
The whole wedding thing also has me sitting there looking at the wedding industry and thinking - man some of these people really rip you off. The Chair covers - $3 a chair to rent for 24 hours and yet I think you can BUY chair covers for $7 a chair. The minister - I KNOW I am getting ripped off there - $275 - for about 30 minutes worth of work. The meal - $3 a filet to add the "temperature cooking option". Basically we are paying $3 a steak for the waiter to ask "how would you like your steak cooked?" And then the cook has to keep the steak on the grill longer. But with 55 steaks - HOW IS THAT REALLY HARD since everyone will be either medium rare or medium? I wanted to finagle the Lodge lady on that item - but I was able to get her to get rid of our second option of food - thereby cutting all the plate costs by $10. So basically I save $7 a plate anyway so I felt it was picking a fight. I really just wanted people to be able to drink more booze. :)
I think I am also getting antsy because I am SOOOOOO ready to get away from my job. Not that it is hard, taxing, or anything else for that matter. But the feeling of limbo is not particularly comforting. I am pretty sure i have a job for at least two weeks when I get back and realistically probably a month - so I'm not going to worry about it. But I am glad to get to see people I love and miss and am excited to have a good time.
I can't believe that at this time next week, the car will be getting packed up, we will watch the Champions League Final (cause we are a soccer family :) ) and then we will be hitting the road!!! And in 12 days we will be getting married!
I still have two boxes that have to come in before we can leave however! I have to finish up the slide show still and I have a few other things to do - all minor of course. I haven't even done a run through of my hair yet either! I scheduled the week before we leave apptmts and only have a couple finalizing on the seating arrangements and such.
I find it interesting that people are saying - I'll get to relax soon. I'm not quite sure when that moment is - I have a feeling it will be after we say our I Do's and are doing the receiving line. Cause I don't see how I can relax before that moment. I mean, I don't even know how I want the deck setup for the wedding and won't be able to figure that out until the Rehearsal! I have no idea how to time the music either. How is that relaxing?? The Lodge lady told me my layout of the reception room wouldn't work either because of some kitchen service doors - which I don't remember seeing when I was there but ok. I haven't been able to see where we are doing this event since January, so I am freaking out a little bit. Not that I think I have anything really to freak out about. I mean - the pope isn't showing up. So if something doesn't go right - oh well, I guess that is part of the unique wedding drama right?
The whole wedding thing also has me sitting there looking at the wedding industry and thinking - man some of these people really rip you off. The Chair covers - $3 a chair to rent for 24 hours and yet I think you can BUY chair covers for $7 a chair. The minister - I KNOW I am getting ripped off there - $275 - for about 30 minutes worth of work. The meal - $3 a filet to add the "temperature cooking option". Basically we are paying $3 a steak for the waiter to ask "how would you like your steak cooked?" And then the cook has to keep the steak on the grill longer. But with 55 steaks - HOW IS THAT REALLY HARD since everyone will be either medium rare or medium? I wanted to finagle the Lodge lady on that item - but I was able to get her to get rid of our second option of food - thereby cutting all the plate costs by $10. So basically I save $7 a plate anyway so I felt it was picking a fight. I really just wanted people to be able to drink more booze. :)
I think I am also getting antsy because I am SOOOOOO ready to get away from my job. Not that it is hard, taxing, or anything else for that matter. But the feeling of limbo is not particularly comforting. I am pretty sure i have a job for at least two weeks when I get back and realistically probably a month - so I'm not going to worry about it. But I am glad to get to see people I love and miss and am excited to have a good time.
Tuesday, May 15, 2007
My Achilles Heel - Literally
Wow - in the last couple of months, I have had a serious of body ailments. I have this thing with my wrist - unidentified pain is the actual diagnosis after multiple needle injections into my wrist and an MRI and Xray later. And even after the cortisone shot - I still feel there is something wrong. And all I did was hold a clip board.
A week ago some chick didn't like me very much in indoor - so she tripped me after I skinned her with the ball and then as I was falling she proceeded to shoved her forearm into my back and so I went face and shoulder first into the boards and then landed on my left arm fully extended......therefore hyper extending my elbow. it still isn't quite right yet. I can't fully extend it and I can't use it to the full extent yet either. But it is getting better.
Then for the past 2-3 weeks I have been having pain in my left Achilles heel. It is the same one as I tore 3 years ago and it hurts in the same spot I tore it and well it really had me nervous that i was going to tear it again. So I called the doctor and miraculously - because I was getting married and not going to be here for awhile - I got the doctor to come in and see me yesterday on his surgery day. So it turns out I have tendinitis (surprise surprise) in my Achilles. I also have patella tendinitis on my right knee but that should heal up with me laying off activity.
Back to the Achilles. SO the doctor wants to do surgery. He basically wants to cut a slice off the back of my heel bone, and then make some small lateral incisions in the Achilles tendon to promote some blood vessel growth which will promote circulation and healing. He says my heel one is a bit far back and that is rubbing against my tendon causing added pressure. Not that I am surprised after looking at my heel and someone else's yesterday. Not to mention I always get blisters on the back of my heels when I get new shoes - usually soccer shoes. So while this may not sound yummy to most, Tony and I think it is a good idea. With my Achilles the way they are, the tendinitis will never go away in my opinion and I don't think Tony thinks it will either. We also would prefer to see me do this when I a younger than older and we DON'T want to go through me tearing it again. That was a most unpleasant experience.
He told me to change my shoes to an open back with a heel lift so I have already got myself a few new pair of shoes. :) He does want me to ease up on soccer though. :( Luckily it is an outpatient surgery and I would only be on crutches for about 3-4 days. The time to heel is two weeks and then about 4 weeks of PT before I can jump back into activity. SO it isn't that bad. So we are looking to do this pretty soon after we get back from the wedding - insurance and to just move forward and get this done with.
I don't necessarily like the idea of a doctor removing bone from a particularly important area of my body - but so be it. And he seems to think this is the way to go from looking at the xrays. SO there you have it. I feel like if anything, the time I have had at this job has allowed me to get all my medical things out of the way - and that is a positive thing.
A week ago some chick didn't like me very much in indoor - so she tripped me after I skinned her with the ball and then as I was falling she proceeded to shoved her forearm into my back and so I went face and shoulder first into the boards and then landed on my left arm fully extended......therefore hyper extending my elbow. it still isn't quite right yet. I can't fully extend it and I can't use it to the full extent yet either. But it is getting better.
Then for the past 2-3 weeks I have been having pain in my left Achilles heel. It is the same one as I tore 3 years ago and it hurts in the same spot I tore it and well it really had me nervous that i was going to tear it again. So I called the doctor and miraculously - because I was getting married and not going to be here for awhile - I got the doctor to come in and see me yesterday on his surgery day. So it turns out I have tendinitis (surprise surprise) in my Achilles. I also have patella tendinitis on my right knee but that should heal up with me laying off activity.
Back to the Achilles. SO the doctor wants to do surgery. He basically wants to cut a slice off the back of my heel bone, and then make some small lateral incisions in the Achilles tendon to promote some blood vessel growth which will promote circulation and healing. He says my heel one is a bit far back and that is rubbing against my tendon causing added pressure. Not that I am surprised after looking at my heel and someone else's yesterday. Not to mention I always get blisters on the back of my heels when I get new shoes - usually soccer shoes. So while this may not sound yummy to most, Tony and I think it is a good idea. With my Achilles the way they are, the tendinitis will never go away in my opinion and I don't think Tony thinks it will either. We also would prefer to see me do this when I a younger than older and we DON'T want to go through me tearing it again. That was a most unpleasant experience.
He told me to change my shoes to an open back with a heel lift so I have already got myself a few new pair of shoes. :) He does want me to ease up on soccer though. :( Luckily it is an outpatient surgery and I would only be on crutches for about 3-4 days. The time to heel is two weeks and then about 4 weeks of PT before I can jump back into activity. SO it isn't that bad. So we are looking to do this pretty soon after we get back from the wedding - insurance and to just move forward and get this done with.
I don't necessarily like the idea of a doctor removing bone from a particularly important area of my body - but so be it. And he seems to think this is the way to go from looking at the xrays. SO there you have it. I feel like if anything, the time I have had at this job has allowed me to get all my medical things out of the way - and that is a positive thing.
Monday, May 14, 2007
My job in limbo
So we had an interesting conversation with our boss the other day. My bull sh*t meter was of course going off as I was being told this but my head really felt like it was surrounded in a cloud of confusion. I have noticed in the past when I have this sensation it is because usually someone is a step ahead of me in the game and I am either missing something in the picture or I am collecting all the pieces of the puzzle but they just haven't sorted themselves out yet in my head. SO I took the weekend to mull over what I was told. My bullsh*t meter is now of course blinking over into the red at this point.
Essentially my boss said that they are going to get rid of UI (graphics and marketing) and my boss in order to get rid of the salary. They are also going to get rid of some redudant server connections and technology stuff that we don't really "need" to operate and they are going to move us over into this office next door that we will share with two other people. When I say this I mean, they are moving me and the other girl working on the team to this space which has 4 offices and a conference room. Apparently the big man will be our new boss - in a limited capacity. There was talk of a possible sales person.
SO let's get this straight.
Essentially my boss said that they are going to get rid of UI (graphics and marketing) and my boss in order to get rid of the salary. They are also going to get rid of some redudant server connections and technology stuff that we don't really "need" to operate and they are going to move us over into this office next door that we will share with two other people. When I say this I mean, they are moving me and the other girl working on the team to this space which has 4 offices and a conference room. Apparently the big man will be our new boss - in a limited capacity. There was talk of a possible sales person.
SO let's get this straight.
- We are going to get rid of redudnat technologies
- We will have no marketing/design group to help us with marketing
- We tried the sales thing before and it didn;t work....why are we trying it again?
- We are moving out of sight out of mind essentially
- Our new fearless leader will be wrapped up with the purchase of the new company - and his consulting agreement, and apparently he has a new idea he is working on doing as well........so where is he leading us during all of this?
- We will have no technology development or technical support in the even tof systems failure. Ok we don't now either but that was a recent change.
- There still is no business plan
- My product will still be the red headed step child.
Is it just me or is the writing on the wall??
I really do feel that my boss guilted the ceo into keeping our jobs for a short stint because he felt guilty that I would be getting married and then he was going to cut my job - seeing as it was he that moved me out here. But you know, that is fine - just give me 3 months of severance and let me go collect unemployment. Because I really don't foresee him continuing the product line past August. I mean - seriously.
So as of right now my job is in limbo and because of that I am a bit in limbo. I know exactly what I want to do - but I don't know if I can accomplish it in the timeframe I have. That is the frustrating part. But I guess I will take the next two weeks to see if I can pull something off.
Friday, May 11, 2007
We forgot our anniversary - oopies
So last Sunday was Tony and I's three year anniversary. In the midst of all this hub bub - we both forgot. In fact, it wasn't until Momma Lori asked me the other day how long we had been together that I did the quick math and realized - oh we are in May. In fact we are just past our 3 year date! Oh boy - let's hope we don't forget our REAL anniversary moving forward. I don't think Tony has even thought of it yet. And the worst part is - I KEEP FORGETTING to tell him! I am sure he will have a little chuckle and say something witty in the end when I do get around to telling him.
I am sooo ready to get out of this place for a few days. It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside and has been for a week and I have some spring fever. Breck apparently got snow a few weeks ago and I guess now it is in a 10 day rain storm. I do have to say - we may need to get a few umbrellas - cause I'm not sure I am happy getting married in the reception room. I can handle the elements of weather - so can Tony. Maybe everyone could watch from inside if that is the case. But hopefully it is just raining now so it won't rain later......yeah that's what I keep telling myself............
I am sooo ready to get out of this place for a few days. It is absolutely BEAUTIFUL outside and has been for a week and I have some spring fever. Breck apparently got snow a few weeks ago and I guess now it is in a 10 day rain storm. I do have to say - we may need to get a few umbrellas - cause I'm not sure I am happy getting married in the reception room. I can handle the elements of weather - so can Tony. Maybe everyone could watch from inside if that is the case. But hopefully it is just raining now so it won't rain later......yeah that's what I keep telling myself............
Thursday, May 10, 2007
Wednesday, May 09, 2007
The Paranoia Onset
I found an ever increasing onset of paranoia has hit me over the past 2 months.
I find myself in this mode of emailing or calling and if some people don't respond (even if I didn't ask a question) I start worrying that I did or said something to offend them. I get paranoid that I'm that bride whose bridesmaids and friends all hate her - although I only have evidence to the contrary. I find myself thinking the world is out to get me - althoug I know that isn't true. I find myself thinking i am supposed to be doing more than I am - although most people would probably like to give me a valium.
I find difficulty focusing. And yet I am going a million miles a minute most likely. I find myself starting to forget to do a menial task several times a week. I'm projecting this positive - I'm doing ok image - but I think my body is disagreeing. I find it difficult to eat much too which is a rare thing for me.
I keep telling myself - you are in charge of your destiny! And then I question if I am doing enough to ensure that or if I am focusing my priorities in the wrong places. Am I doing what I want in exchange for what I should be doing? I don't know. I know I am doing what my gut and my heart want, but my head sometimes tries to pull me in the other direction - the safer way. I'm not usually a risk taker and yet I feel like I am taking some risks when I don't have a safety blanket to do so. But then I hear the echoes of many great entrepreneurs and their stories of how - they were on their last dine, or they were eating mac and cheese for weeks when they finally saw the light and stuck to their guns and it worked for them. Google started out of a garage. Look at ebay. Martha Stewart was a housewife. Oprah was fat and unattractive and a B list actress. The Donald has been in the throes of losing it all. Jewell was homelss and playing guitar on the streets of LA. And there are countless other stories. Stories where no one believed and yet they pulled through. I guess the difference with me is I don't have anyone telling me they don't believe (at least not to my face). I actually have a lot of emotional support.
I know people are worried - hell I am worried. I believe in fate. I believe in myself. And i believe something is going to fall into place as it should - although I am not quite sure what, when or why I believe this. I have always believed in fate and yet I have always been a worrier not a believer. This time I believe more than I am worried. WHy? I'm not quite sure. I do know you have to make yoru destiny - and i am trying hard to do that. I know there are other things that I could be doing to increase my chances - but I feel those are gambles I am not sure I am prepared to take. They have consequences I don't know if I am smart enough to really understand yet. Maybe I should believe more in myself. But I guess I feel like there are too many balls above my head to figure it out right now. And yet I feel like that is just an excuse. But I do feel the goddess emerging. I do feel the strength within me.
This too shall pass............
I find myself in this mode of emailing or calling and if some people don't respond (even if I didn't ask a question) I start worrying that I did or said something to offend them. I get paranoid that I'm that bride whose bridesmaids and friends all hate her - although I only have evidence to the contrary. I find myself thinking the world is out to get me - althoug I know that isn't true. I find myself thinking i am supposed to be doing more than I am - although most people would probably like to give me a valium.
I find difficulty focusing. And yet I am going a million miles a minute most likely. I find myself starting to forget to do a menial task several times a week. I'm projecting this positive - I'm doing ok image - but I think my body is disagreeing. I find it difficult to eat much too which is a rare thing for me.
I keep telling myself - you are in charge of your destiny! And then I question if I am doing enough to ensure that or if I am focusing my priorities in the wrong places. Am I doing what I want in exchange for what I should be doing? I don't know. I know I am doing what my gut and my heart want, but my head sometimes tries to pull me in the other direction - the safer way. I'm not usually a risk taker and yet I feel like I am taking some risks when I don't have a safety blanket to do so. But then I hear the echoes of many great entrepreneurs and their stories of how - they were on their last dine, or they were eating mac and cheese for weeks when they finally saw the light and stuck to their guns and it worked for them. Google started out of a garage. Look at ebay. Martha Stewart was a housewife. Oprah was fat and unattractive and a B list actress. The Donald has been in the throes of losing it all. Jewell was homelss and playing guitar on the streets of LA. And there are countless other stories. Stories where no one believed and yet they pulled through. I guess the difference with me is I don't have anyone telling me they don't believe (at least not to my face). I actually have a lot of emotional support.
I know people are worried - hell I am worried. I believe in fate. I believe in myself. And i believe something is going to fall into place as it should - although I am not quite sure what, when or why I believe this. I have always believed in fate and yet I have always been a worrier not a believer. This time I believe more than I am worried. WHy? I'm not quite sure. I do know you have to make yoru destiny - and i am trying hard to do that. I know there are other things that I could be doing to increase my chances - but I feel those are gambles I am not sure I am prepared to take. They have consequences I don't know if I am smart enough to really understand yet. Maybe I should believe more in myself. But I guess I feel like there are too many balls above my head to figure it out right now. And yet I feel like that is just an excuse. But I do feel the goddess emerging. I do feel the strength within me.
This too shall pass............
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
I've hit the I'm so tired but I can't sleep phase
I have now entered the remaining 3 weeks before the wedding. But really - two weeks before I leave for the wedding! I am so glad I have done so much up to this point. Really I have some fianlizign to do but it is all coming together. I think I have one more set of things to purchase - but i can do that today. Actually I probably SHOULD do that today!!!
People keep asking - are you excited? no not yet. I will be excited though when I get in my car with Tony and drive away from here! :) At that point I can leave the whatever job behind. At that point the only possible thing left to do for the wedding might be the actual play by play bit - but I will have about 24 hours in a car to figure that out. LOL The wedding thing will become more of a reality than it has been too! And I will get to know I am on vacation - ok well it isn't really a vacation more like a work timeout but you get my drift. And I am really excited for the events of Saturday. I am excited to see my friends and family. I am excited to have a party. I love parties! I LOVE surprises! I love good food. And I get to have a girls night out - have only had a few of those since living in Washington. I know that once the Saturday begins - I should be having a good time and excited for the upcoming events.
However, the job thing has yet to really materialize so here I am dealing with some stress. I'm in a 'business as usal mode' while everyone else is in a 'holding pattern but good opportunities coming their way' mode. It's a little frustrating. We arne't doing any marketing - yet we are supposed to cross our little piggies and hope for an investor to come in and save the day.
There are a couple other little drama points - we won't bother with those here but as a result - I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO tired at night and yet I just can't fall asleep. My brain just won't shut off even though it is telling me - JUST PASS OUT WOMAN!!!!
I keep thinking of the job thing, I think of Tony's dying aunt, I think of the wedding, I think about our soccer team, I think about how I really don't like that stupid job and how can I get CSS off the ground faster. Then I think about my back hurting. Then fluffy bunny jumps on the bed and starts kneading me.
I drink Chai Tea Lattes now faithfully in the morning. Even now I want to go back home for a nap!Hmmmm, my boss is out of the office............
SO here I am - no matter if I have played soccer that night - actually makes my sleeping worse - I find myself up for hours after I play. I'm tired, trying to be cheerful and positive and push through the walls that I find are sort of growing up around me. I feel like I have this uphill battle that I know if I can just get to the top fo the rock - I can see the beautiful valleys and voila - I will be good to go. But until then, it is uphill. I've only cried once through this whole job thing which is good - and sort of unlike me.
I guess I am just determined through all this....I'm not going to let the b@stards get me down. I will persevere. I am strong, I can conquer all. Ok well that was the lack of sleep talking.
Until then I'm going to read about Drew Barrymore in my People.
People keep asking - are you excited? no not yet. I will be excited though when I get in my car with Tony and drive away from here! :) At that point I can leave the whatever job behind. At that point the only possible thing left to do for the wedding might be the actual play by play bit - but I will have about 24 hours in a car to figure that out. LOL The wedding thing will become more of a reality than it has been too! And I will get to know I am on vacation - ok well it isn't really a vacation more like a work timeout but you get my drift. And I am really excited for the events of Saturday. I am excited to see my friends and family. I am excited to have a party. I love parties! I LOVE surprises! I love good food. And I get to have a girls night out - have only had a few of those since living in Washington. I know that once the Saturday begins - I should be having a good time and excited for the upcoming events.
However, the job thing has yet to really materialize so here I am dealing with some stress. I'm in a 'business as usal mode' while everyone else is in a 'holding pattern but good opportunities coming their way' mode. It's a little frustrating. We arne't doing any marketing - yet we are supposed to cross our little piggies and hope for an investor to come in and save the day.
There are a couple other little drama points - we won't bother with those here but as a result - I am SOOOOOOOOOOOO tired at night and yet I just can't fall asleep. My brain just won't shut off even though it is telling me - JUST PASS OUT WOMAN!!!!
I keep thinking of the job thing, I think of Tony's dying aunt, I think of the wedding, I think about our soccer team, I think about how I really don't like that stupid job and how can I get CSS off the ground faster. Then I think about my back hurting. Then fluffy bunny jumps on the bed and starts kneading me.
I drink Chai Tea Lattes now faithfully in the morning. Even now I want to go back home for a nap!Hmmmm, my boss is out of the office............
SO here I am - no matter if I have played soccer that night - actually makes my sleeping worse - I find myself up for hours after I play. I'm tired, trying to be cheerful and positive and push through the walls that I find are sort of growing up around me. I feel like I have this uphill battle that I know if I can just get to the top fo the rock - I can see the beautiful valleys and voila - I will be good to go. But until then, it is uphill. I've only cried once through this whole job thing which is good - and sort of unlike me.
I guess I am just determined through all this....I'm not going to let the b@stards get me down. I will persevere. I am strong, I can conquer all. Ok well that was the lack of sleep talking.
Until then I'm going to read about Drew Barrymore in my People.
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